Sunday Messages

This past sunday the messages struck some ponderings for me.

when the college pastor was preaching from Isaiah 9:6&7 most 6 and just on the words there used to describe Christ. We focused on Wonderful Counselor and Mighty God for that week. It was cool he went to different passages all of the Bible that referenced more of God's character in that way. All of it was good but the part that stuck out to me was what he said about Mighty God. We looked at 1 Peter 5:6&7. Specifically this phrase "If we say God is Mighty but don't submit to it? We do not really believe He is the Mighty God." that just really made me think how many things do we, I say about God and who He is but in my life do I show it?

then the pastor spoke from 1 timothy 3:14-16. Speaking of many different things from this portion but again the thing that stuck out to me is that Paul gives the church direction in who to conduct themselves. First point is that we are the house of God. when we meet together with 2 or more people He is present! Think about that? as individuals we are the temple of God but coming together we are the house of God. just a cool thought but then this is the part that really struck me. At the end of verse 15 it says "Which is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and foundation of the truth." Then the pastor began to describe the the architectural purpose of pillars to uphold something and with the temple of Artemis or Diana, the goddess of fertility (i forget the reference). The pillars they used for her temple 60 feet tall. yes to up hold the ceiling but also to show off the beauty of the temple and ultimately Diana. then he went into describing the practical purposes for foundation. We are those. We are to be upholding the truth and to be showing off its beauty and if the pillars or foundations aren't good then the building suffers and in the same way if we do not uphold the truth it will suffer. I was thinking of the World now and how true it is. Christians not actually being the pillars of truth and the truth is now gray or arbitrary even among "christians."

which just makes me think again back to the college pastor's message we say one thing, "I'm a Christian" "He is a Mighty God" but is there fruit in our lives?

Set Apart

As people trying to strive for a life of holiness are there things that aren't necessarily bad that we should refrain from? The thing that I keep thinking about is music (and movies but mostly music). If artists aren't Christ Followers should we be listening to their music? For even when they don't sing about sex, drugs, or violence but sing about love their love isn't real for they don't know Christ. And therefore if the rule of thumb for music is, "are they glorifying to God?" Wouldn't a false love be dishonoring and more as an idol? Or songs that are more depressing or sad, same reasons; they are trying to fill their life with other things where God should be. dishonoring?

Moved by What?

Walked up the tiled steps to a unknown building with people i had just met but I was optimistic because it was a youth event. the place was small but packed. we found seats and waited. the MC got up and introduced the evening. the band started the night off with a few songs. the instant the song started there were hands raised, clapping for every song, and in the front row a couple of girls were twirling ribbons. After each song a couple of loud "hallelujahs" rang above the applause. a choir stood to sing a couple of songs. Again within a short period of time when the music started hands raised and eyes closed. but there was one individual that I watched. every time he went to raise his hand he looked at those around him to see if they did. There was one song they sang that on every part hands raised. they were dancing and singing so passionately. then pastor began his message. he was more like a comedian to me. not that pastors can't be funny but its seemed as though the message was more jokes. he did read the passage before speaking on it but then besides the general reference to David and Goliath he didn't refer to it again.(due to the language barrier i'm only making these as observations.) when he wasn't making jokes he would speak louder and louder into the microphone and then people would start clapping and yelling. Towards the end as the song started people began to cry. a mass of people went to the front, meaning everyone. As they continued the song they cried then the song ended and people left.


these are only my observations but the thoughts that kept running through my head the whole evening was: without the music, without the pastor speaking louder, would people just read the WORD OF GOD and shout? read the WORD OF GOD and lift up their hands? read the WORD OF GOD and bend their knees humbled? read the WORD OF GOD and be moved to tears? GOD is what the pastor (is suppose to) preache about. GOD is what the songs are written about...and the GOD gave us HIS WORD. are we, am I moved by the WORD OF GOD...or just the songs, pastors jokes and words, and everyone else?

Blindfold Obstacle

a group of people, including yourself, stand in a semi-circle listening to directions. the instructions are given and you all take the spots. the color that you once saw drowned out by the blindfold tied around your eyes. You stand on a small platform big enough for your feet to be standing on and that's it. "Alright begin!" a single voice resounds then within a matter of seconds your ears are bombarded with a multitude of voices telling you what step to take next. there is an obstacle course that you are suppose finish without touching the ground,everyone else around is to give you directions, and there is one person in the middle on the obstacle course who once you meet you can grab their hand and they can guide you with their hand and voice but until then they can only vocally direct you. you decipher a few directions that seem to be coming from a couple of different people, your friends, and choose to follow them. first step, complete. so you listen again...a resounding group of voices again. so you take the step again. second step complete. again...listen, go. left foot out with a slight height increase...your foot misses completely and you fall to the grassy ground. unable to remove the blindfold the leaders of the obstacle come and help you up, taking you back to the beginning. as you are led back you wonder what went wrong? why would they led me in a wrong direction? Again you try the course, fail. Again fail. what is going on? at this point so fed up with the blindfold and just want to give up on this stupid obstacle course. And to your fortune this time the leaders remove the blind fold but put on special goggles that won't allow you to look down. You are able to look at those around you and the person in front of you. Your eyes slowly adjust to the light to see that everyone on the sides are blindfolded too. They had a chance to look through the obstacle course but then they were all blindfold. the only person who isn't is the person in the middle. this time you try hard to to focus on the person in the middle but you can't hear them everyone else is too loud. So you try on your own. it worked. alright again. fail. Again and again you try listening to others trying yourself but never being able to accomplish the task. You wearily step up onto the small platform once again. people start barking orders again...you yell above everyone else and ask them to stop talking. The middle person's voice comes clear and you step by step still a little unsteady go father and farther until you reach them. their hand now guide yours allow with their reaffirming voice and within moments you finishing the obstacle course.

This past week there was one these obstacle courses that I've done before at high school and leadership building retreats were brought to my mind, but not in that task so much as the metaphor to life. So often we are like the blindfolded person aimlessly wandering trying to follow the right path. We turn to friends, to family, to people we don't know, to things, but we miss the one person who knows and sees the path that is before us. And all we need to do is listening and lift our eyes to that one being, Jesus Christ.

"If only we took the time to turn our eyes and hearts away from this world, even from the faces of family and friends that surround us, the joys that attract us and distract us, and fix them steadfastly on the face of Jesus, He would manifest himself to our hearts and we would be filled with the consciousness that He is with us."
Absolute Surrender by, Andrew Murray


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

fire cracker growth

I had to write an essay recently describing how I want my faith to grow in the next couple of years. rough thoughts:



I want my faith to more than just a word in which I speak but for it to be, vibrant and on fire. Pastor Von is one of the legends here at Caravan Ministries, where I am currently an intern, and he recent spoke to here of a dynamic faith. He told the story of when he was a youth pastor and he asked them if they were believers. They responded with yawns in between their words, “Yeah we’re believers.” Von shook his head at their response. He then took out a fir cracker; the powder already removed, lit it and threw it into the crowd of thirty youth. Instantly they all scattered, some out the doors and others to the edges of the room to see what would happen. When they resumed after the realization of it being a dud, von told them that the reaction they had toward the fire crackers is the reaction they need to have about their faith. Not a half yawned faith but a dynamic faith, one that moves! A faith that can not be contained. A vibrant, dynamic faith. James also speaks on a moving faith, a faith to be lived out not simply a statement.

“What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?” (James 2:14 NLT)

“So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, ‘Some people have faith; others have good deeds.’ But I say, ‘How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.’ You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?” (James 2:17-18 NLT)

I wish to grow in a dynamic moving faith, on that is more than just words. Also knowing that good and bad times will come but to continue to persevere, “…when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NLT) Knowing of course that I will not be complete until Christ’s return (Philippians 1:6) but to be continually striving, despite circumstances, to be more and more like Christ. That is my ultimate hope that during my life that my faith would be like Jesus Christ and looking in every opportunity to conform to Christ Jesus.

Lyrics and Quotes to ponder

You were bought, at a price you are owned by another...and the only rightful thing to do is to find out His dream, His passion, His desire and spend every last breath you have living it out.
_Brad Bruser

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
(from the inside out, hillsong united)



Why should anyone hear the gospel twice before everyone has heard it once?
_J. Oswald Sanders


Your Hallowed name, oh may I bear with honor
(Then I shall Live, William Gaither)


Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Worship is ultimate, not missions, because God is ultimate, not man… Worship, therefore, is the fuel and goal of missions. It’s the goal of missions because in missions we simply aim to bring the nations into the white-hot enjoyment of God’s glory.
_John Piper (Let the Nations be Glad)

Tijuana Roof

Blankly starring at the city lights tonight
Trying to comprehend these spiraling thoughts
Explain to me how this works
Being aware of all I've done
and loving despite?

There's no comparison for me to look to
For understanding
Your love is beyond all

Explain to me how this works

It doesn't fit into the world's mentality
Looking beyond self and pride
Explain to me how this works
Being the All Powerful, Sovereign God
Who deserves it yet gave it all and came to serve.

You've known from teh beginning
What I've done
And to the future of what will be
I am not in my rightful place
Destitute alone on the streets

Cursed by all my life
For its wages are death
And even my life is not enough
I am unworthy

Only the greatness of your love is enough
No longer a slave, these shackles broken
For you love knows my faults
Yet forgets all I've done
No records kept but washed clean

Explain to me how this works

So I may never understand the depths of your love Lord
But one thing I know
That by your love,
I am free

Your love is beyond all

For it is all I'll ever need, its all I'll ever need
You are all I'll ever need

Enough

The sun rises for a new morning. She rises for yet another Sunday morning and all that it holds. The weekly routine sets in; get ready, breakfast, church. She walks in and sits into the back as the pastor adresses the congregation greeting them. He prays opening the service. She stares at the floor and acknowledges the shuffling feet of the praise band walking up to their instruments. He ends the prayer and the songs begin. They begin with a classic praise song one she has sang a million times, and continues to sing without a second thought. During the message her thoughts are just as scattered. She flips through her Bible looking at different passages searching from something but unable to find it. The messages ends, it is communion Sunday. The pastor prays and a song begins as the elders pass out the pieces of bread. A voice in her head whispers, "How free are you? Kneel and praise Me."

She is reminded of something someone said to her once, "We have perfect freedom in Christ and here in the United States we are not confronted with persecution yet on Sunday morning when you hear kneel and praise Me, lift your hands high and exalt My name...we are paralyzed. What will the person behind me think or will the guy standing next to me give me a weird look? How free are you?"

The song ends and the pastor read from Matthew 26, "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." She ate. The next song began for the juice to be past and again, "How free are you? Kneel and praise Me. " She sat down on her chair thinking surely this would be enough. "Are you not free? Some who praise Me will and have been persecuted for this and you only sit because you are worried of someone's opinion? Are you not free?" She fell to the floor ashamed. The pastor finished reading out of Matthew 26. The praise band led the congregation into another song. Another song she had sang several times before but this time it came alive because she was broken and humbled.

crazy?

I was talking to my friend, she was asking me how things are going. I began to reply with some of the different things I'm thinking through, "schools-which is the best choice, where to go on the field, how to make the best choices to get there, to be faithful here and now (tomorrow is no guarantee), etc." Then I began to explain how God is working in me, "insane when you actually are yearning for Him to change you, you're broken, and open to Him molding you what He'll do. And then to keep your eyes open to see those things. Every day, by the time it is coming to an end, I am more and more in awe and in love with God. something that has been one of those things, is forgiveness. God gave me another glimpse of it last week and I was/am blown away." then I was intending to end with "it's crazy" ... but I couldn't do it because these thoughts ran through my mind:

I started to say it's crazy...but it's not because why should we be shocked by the fact that God fulfills His promises, is Faithful, etc. when He said/says He will be? because if we believe the Bible and all it says then when He says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" why are we shocked when He's always there? Or that He is a provider, protector, faithful, powerful, worthy and then when we see those characteristics why are we surprised? so it's not crazy, it's God. Glory to God!

άφεση συγχώρεση

I remember in small group when some one will ask, "favorite attributes of God? or ones that mean the most to you right now." I would spout out answers trying to think of all the different ones but saying them with knowledge not heart. But last night one attribute dawned on me. συγχώρεση -forgiveness

Last night my mind got another glimpse of its meaning. How did Jesus bare all my sins that day on the cross and still in knowing them chooses to love me? to use me? Dictionary.com defines forgive as:

1.	to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

...........-absolve: to set free or release, as from some duty, obligation, or responsibility

2.	to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

..........-remit: to refrain from inflicting or enforcing, as a punishment, sentence, etc.

To set free:
Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.-Galatians 4:7 (NAS)

He sets me free from the bondage of sin and then calls me a son (daughter)? ... I am undeserving with all my sin but Jesus made an end of all my sin(Before the Throne Above) then beyond that gives me rights to be His heir...His daughter. And then why is it so often I give power to evil. I sit in unnecessary bondage. I am not a slave. I need to embrace His forgiveness and forget. move on for sin has lost it's power (Marvelous Light)

Forgive and Forget:
I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins. -Isaiah 43:25
...for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more. - Jeremiah 31:34
For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more. - Hebrews 8:12

That's another thing if I am not bound to sin why dwell? God has forgiven and forgotten. God (love) keeps no record of wrongs. [1 Cor. 13:5]


Now that I think about what I just wrote I don't know if it makes sense all together but...basically I got another glimpse and still I am baffled and I can't fathom it but I am immensely thankful. And in thinking about all of this it just makes even more sense (if I ever needed more then a command) that I go.


Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
_In Christ Alone

άφεση συγχώρεση

more from torreon later

I just got a new study Bible and I'm suuuuper excited. It's crazy...I've never been so excited to research and read anything before! It's dumb that it has taken me 18 years to get here when you think about the fact that it's the history of me (humans), the guidelines of how to live life, God's will for my life, answers to anything pertaining to life...a little ridiculous that I'm just now super excited but all the more reason to dive in more now. So as i am reading through write now there was this little excerpt that i thought I'd share:

Satan's Plan Against Us
Doubt...................... Makes you question God’s Word and His goodness

Discouragement.... Makes you look at your problems rather than at God

Diversion................ Makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want

.................,,,..............them more than the right things

Defeat..................... Makes you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try

Delay...................... Makes you put off doing something so that it never gets

..................................done

Satan isn't original he uses the same old tricks each time.

Torreon Journal

Day Two -- August 23
on the bus ride to torreon. its already been half a day and night.

Woke up (6:00ish) to green. Its funny how a night could be one of the worst due to not sleeping all the way or waking up with a kink in your neck but then you look outside and see God's creation and creativity. Each time i marvel at his imagination, to think of all the different terrains and make them different in their own way. the plains are covered with the same hue of green but there are trees, scruffy bushes, cacti, red rocky dirt that's only visible up close though the sea of green. its not completely flat either, the plains roll here and there then as we follow the black asphalt to the horizon there sculpted tall in several layers, mountains. at times the road interrupts the art work but mainly it curves with the hills and mountains. I wonder how some people get numb to such beauty? it doesn't feel real the stretch as far as the eye can see in every direction around me. I swear its a drawing or movie, we're the lone vechile driving towards the mountains, the road narrowing at the end or at least that's what you see when really we won't run out of road nor will we run into the mountains. As i look off to the right the texture of the grass has changed it looks soft maybe almost fuzzy like someone took a picture of it added the soft beautified setting from photoshop then pasted the grass back into its original place.
__________________________________________

We're in day two with 3 1/2 hrs left on the bus. toady after waking up around 6 i finished reading on of the articles for perspectives hopefully i'll finish at least lesson one work by the end of this trip and then i can work on 2 before next thursday back at the dorm. after that and falling asleep here and there we watched miss congeniality 2 in english (yess) with spanish subtitles. in the middles of that we stopped for lunch. we haven't had to use a ton of spanish yet because we're sitting next to each other and have really only been on he bus. last night we learned two things. one you must pay for toilet paper, weird. and the second that Tijuana is "free" but everywhere else in Mexico is not and you need a tourist visa. so last night probably around ten we bought those. currently writing/reading to avoid watching the punisher.
___________________________________________

we finally arrived around 9:30pm. fit all our stuff (patti's, her mom's, and her daughters' stuff as well as our two bags) and 9 people in a 5 person vehicle ( i was sitting on laura's lap). on the ride there (to the house in the car) i realized that we ahd no idea what the sleeping conditions would be or bathroom or anthing. it was dark when we arrived so it was still a mystery until we walked inside the house. Tile flooring, kitchen, dinning room, living room, hallway, separate rooms, a bathroom with real toilet and running water-shower as well. it is a really nice sized home. Laura and i got our own room equipped with a bed. so after eating a quick something to bed we went.

vacation

Laura and I are leaving today for our time-off. We are going down to Torreon with one of the nationals (patti) who works in our office for a couple of days. complete submersion into the culture i'm super excited! so i won't be posting for a while but I'll try to update as soon as i get back and let you guys know how it all went.

summer's offically over.

try again...

Last night one of the girls and i were researching unreached people groups. i was looking through operation world and she was on the internet. she came across this website, open doors, and found the top persecuted countries. They were north korea, saudi arabia, iran, maldives and so on but we stopped at maldives because both of us were unfamiliar with its location. she went up to a world map to look but where do you start to look for a place you've never heard of? so i continued to look randomly in operation world. at that point looking for a latin america country...when i opened up to maldives. ding ding. found it. its part of Asia, little islands off the coast of sri lanka. this is what open doors has to say about maldives(look at maldives' website then read its rather ironic):

"In the archipelago of the Maldives, Islam is the official state religion and all citizens must be Muslims. Sharia law is observed, which prohibits the conversion from Islam to another religion. A convert could lose citizenship. It is prohibited to practice any other religion than Islam, which is considered to be an important tool in stimulating national unity and maintenance of the government’s power. Thus it is impossible to open any churches, though foreigners are allowed to practice their religion in private if they don’t encourage citizens to participate. The Bible and other Christian materials cannot be imported apart from a copy for personal use. In the country -- one of the least evangelized countries on earth -- there are only a handful of indigenous believers, and they live their faith in complete secrecy because of the omnipresent social control by other Maldivians..."

Then i read from what operation world had to say:

religion: islam is the only recognized religion. the open practice of all other religions is forbiden. islam is strongly promoted for national unity and preservation of the government's power. 99.41% muslim.
challenges for prayer: maldivians are still among the least evangelized on earth. no Christian mission work has ever been permitted nor Christian literature allowed. (later under another "prayer point" -->) witness to maldivians in other lands: many travel as sailors, students, seeking medical care, etc.

mmm ok. so i read the "seeking medical care" just after i get done telling her that i'm not really interested in Asian culture (hints why i was looking for a latin american one) and i'm not really interested in muslim...but the maldivians are "among the least evangelized" and they not only need but are seeking medical care. so since she knows i'm wanting to pursue nursing to take to the mission field we joke about how this is perfect. They are an unreached people group and they need what i'm wanting to bring. the more and more we joke about it the more i realize they're on the top 10 persecuted countries and its number...four. we're are always hearing here at caravan that God wants your life your life. not just part of you but all of you. when you accepted Him you are no longer yours. and then that missions isn't a short term thing, its your life and those who go to the 10/40 window it might take their life. us staff hear this all the time and usually i'm nodding my head along with it...but last night it hit me with a nauseating feeling, if i went to maldives i would probably die... slowly it sank in until i had to get up and walk away from the research, too much for me. then i remembered what i read that morning and what i had said about it. Exurp from my journal:

Acts 21 & 22
Paul's faith is unbelievable. 21 when he is being told don't go, don't go he responded with "i'm going and even if it means death all for Jesus Christ" (my paraphrase 21:13-14). That's so crazy and then in 22 he is telling his testimony and telling of what Ananias said in v.15-16 "You will be his witness to all men of what you have seen and hear. And now what are you waiting for?"

and even though 21 comes before 22 the part in 22 is a recollection from before which is perfect. you've seen, you heard what to do, now what are you waiting for? with paul's response of 21:13-14 I will go even to the death for Christ's sake! That is an example I want to follow. --> I've heard, I know, so now what? --> I will go even to death. Its still hard for me to fully grasp "to the death" I think but i want to keep striving so eventually i can say that as bold as paul did.

i wrote/read that that morning and then the research happened in the evening...and the reason i'm so overwhelmed (i guess could be the word i'm looking for) is not because i now know where i'm suppose to go but that even after hearing and hearing and hearing "He wants all of you" and even singing "take my life, here i am all of me" , "take it all" , "I will go Lord send me" , "I would give the world to tell you're story 'Cause I know that you've called me" and then last night when i really thought about it and for a split second i fully grasped...i freaked out.

my life is not mine, it hasn't been for a long time and He gave his for me so undeserving, so why am i grasping so tight to something that isn't mine when giving it to God is completely deserved?

this will not hinder me i will still go to the field, i will.
D.V.

i do truly want to...say that as bold as paul did.

(board that we write countries of the day for prayer)

no mas verano

i can't believe summer is pretty much over. its crazy. i feel a mixture of i've always been here with these amazing people but at the same time there are times i step outside or i wake up and have this realization of "woah i'm in Mexico." the thing that makes summer coming to an end hard is the fact that the summer staff is leaving and (some) have left. Last week i had to say goodbye to four people. its weird how even though i've only known this group for 2(going on 3) months but still saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest things. there is a bond deeper then most and they know me better than so many. learning, growing, laughing, crying(joy and sadness), and struggling with them. i don't know how to explain it but it was really hard. but still in the mist of it all and during other trifles i can still say i'm doing really well. God is awesome. i can't believe how much i'm learning and in a conversation i was having with one of the girls "growing is like photosynthesis you have to soak the ingredients first before you can use them" (we were being cheesy in our analogy but it works) so i am learning and hopefully soaking in a lot so that i am growing. haha. in a couple of weeks the summer is over and we (the staff that is coming back for he fall) we get a couple weeks off and one of the girls and i are going on this amazing culture experience and adventure. we are heading south in mexico with one of the nationals who works in our office to visit with her family for a little bit. i'm so excited! something that has been on my mind is school. reconsidering if the current school i'm planning on going to if thats the right choice for a couple different reasons so i have to research, pray, and pray.

playlist

i added a music player at the bottom of my page just to change and update to let you guys know newer songs that i love. right now the tim hughes song is only 30 seconds unfortunately because the words are awesome and to know your name by hillsong is only part of the song as well but any ways just so you guys know because normally i'd share those..so here's how i'll do it. i try to update it when i hear of a new song that i really like. but theres a few down there to start off with.

Tim Hughes
God of Justice
some lyrics

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

what i've done this week

heres some pictures of the building next door.

tyson and i working on the roof rafters on the second story

the beginning of drywall in the first story

the view from the front (cameron and i in the window)

Al wanted to be in the picture with cameron and i

inside first floor before electrical and drywall

the walls up on the second floor and finishing the roof rafters

Hechos 10

A couple of weeks ago I read through Acts 10 a couple of times and now in our sessions Dave and Eddie are teaching on Acts 10 so here are some of the sweet things I've pulled out/been taught:

These are my thoughts. I shared this last thursday night with the groups:

Through that time I’ve become more and more confident that missions is where God want me. Even more so to take it to those who have never heard of Jesus. In Acts 10 Peter gets a vision with many different animals and a voice tells him to kill and eat. He responds with I can’t eat unclean meat. To which the voice says, “Do not call anything impure that God has created.” And then these three guys come to get Peter because Cornelius their master had a vision about Peter. But in that time it was against the law for Jews to associate with Gentiles. But after Cornelius talks of his vision and obedience to God Peter says this, “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right.” So how can I sit here and say I am to good to go to the nations who have never heard and at the same time say I know God and do his work. I didn’t even realize that I had that prejudice that the world has pushed that I thought I was better then other nations. But it makes sense because I didn’t want to go into missions until two years ago. But God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right. So I must go!

notes from daves last two messages:

july25
-Break throughs in Acts are coming to those who are attentive to his voice
-Peter/Cornelius take time to just pray an hour day. (solitude/meditate) its noon...prayer. its three...pray
-Everything you've held dear let go- God is telling this to Peter through the vision- Peter's dietary ways
-I want you to go to a Gentile's House v.22 -->I want you to change everything you've known so that you go to a Gentile's (Nations) house Isaiah 49:6

july29
-Throughout the whole story God intervines
_____-visions, angels
_____-never skips the middle man (uses peter instead of the angel to tell cornelius)
-3 times peter says no to change, to expansion of his ways
_____-v34
_______-God rocked his ways and sent him into a gentiles house and just changed peters perspective
-Peter was outside his comfort zone in Cornelius' house
_____-v28 -- sent for...without any objections

-God is reversing the affects of Babylon

staff retreat

we had staff retreat the first full week of July up in lake arrowhead. we did different things like went to a lake for a day(wake boarding, water skiing), high ropes coarse, paint ball, devotions and praise together, and other things but the thing that was the most challenging and the best part of the retreat was tuesday night to thursday morning.

devotional and praise

Rick and Mary's house
(where we stayed camping outside)

high ropes coarse -
holding Maggi down while she balays (french word)

the staff & Rick and Mary

From tuesday night at 930 to thursday morning 715ish we had a fast from food. only drank water and juice. but in addition of the time of not eating on wednesday we had a time of silence from 8am until 215pm and it was really hard for me at first and to be honest i wasn't looking forward to it but i had to go out anyway and ooh and earlier in the week on monday i was just really struggling i had never conscientiously heard God's voice before and i was stuck, stagnate and i hated it. i didn't really know what to do and so i sat off this road by myself starring at mountain peaks, city lights in valleys below sunsetting on the peaks, moon rising at the same time and i was just crying to God asking and pleading to hear his voice for direction i wasn't sure what to do. and i began singing songs like i miss you, i could run away, etc. then laura and hayley came up and i talked to them so all of this happening still in my head/heart on wed when we were silent and we had different "stages" of our silence. first we had to go through our life and ask God how and why he worked in our lives the way he did,but before i could even do that i was just again pleading to God to hear his voice. i yearned so badly to hear his voice. then i realized that i was fighting with myself, the voices in my head. so again just asking God speak to me then the voice came in and said you are. i was like no no i don't want to hear my voice i want to hear yours and then i heard again no you are. it was soo crazy but just to be in God's presence utterly silent just completely broken and humbled, to finally just hear his voice, or finally let him in i should say and listen. then next, in our day of silence we moved on to gifts and we had to think about what we were good at, what we enjoyed and how God has/had used those. then we had to say ask God what we needed to say yes to and what we needed to say no to and that was crazy too just to hear God's voice through out this whole thing right away i knew it was pride, reputation(what everyone held me to), fear(to be bold for him), and ultimately myself. then my yes was, it was crazy this wording came into my head from God, say yes to living a life recklessly for God. no more of me just where ever he'll send me I WILL GO, doing what ever it takes to get me there I WILL DO IT, no longer i, no fear, just recklessly going after God and his plan. then we went through scripture (crazy I love God's word) and i came across colossians 3:5-10 which is all that God was telling me to say no to. then lastly our final statement which mine ended up being the reckless life for christ. but that time it was awesome nothing i've ever experienced before and i loved it and i want to do it again just being silent to listen to my Father and what he has for my life and the direction.

still here

Sorry I haven't written in a little while. these past two weeks have been filled with a lot so i have to write something things to catch up but since its been filled i haven't had a ton of time to get on the computer and write but i'll try to do so, soon. but i'm just letting you all know i haven't forgotten to write.

solamente fotografias

just some pictures of some of the time here.

girl staff minus Al

ocean sunset

at estero on the coast

the ladies at breakfast

fish taco stand -- so good!

THE la bufadora!

our campsite, haha so sketchy

there's some pictures for now. more later

no way...

today started out with Brad speaking. He was amazing this morning. he always does a really good job but i just felt like today was excellent. then me and three other staff headed over to the property next to the dorms to work on an expansion. we were having a great time. listening to tomlin, crowder, hillsong, hall, stanfill, etc. (only allowed to listen to christian music for the summer- one of our disciplines), having fun together, and just busting away at our job. Had a lunch break then resumed our work. I went in to grab a ladder and shortly after something hit my head really hard. i looked up first, being on the first floor of a build site but the floor was on then i looked down and saw a hammer lying on the floor. the other two girls asked me if i was okay, blankly i nodded in confirmation. they asked again, "yeah i'm fine." i walked into the "room" where i was working with one of the guys and the pain was a bit overwhelming. i rested my hands against the wall for a second then touched my head. When I pulled my hands away my fingers on both hands covered in blood. i very calmly, mostly because i was in shock, walked out and said, "i'm bleeding i'll be next door(in the dorms)." Mary, on of the administrative staff, had just returned from a build site with Nan who use to be an emergency room nurse. Nan washed off my head and realized that the hammer had only scrapped my head so i wouldn't be needing stitches. She put some medicine on it then told me to go lay down. Where i remained for the next 5 hours. i was dizzy and in pain but now i'm doing fine. i have a massive headache but i'm good.

but as i was laying down with nothing to do i read James 2 and 3. Our discipline this week is to write down two chapters of the Bible and those are the only scripture we can use the whole week. So i read my handwritten James 2 and 3 and in the last couple of verse in chapter three i came across this thought process or pondering. verses 17-18: But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. and earlier in chatper 3 it talks about the other kind of wisdom that is of the devil. but as i came on verse 17 and 18 it just struck me. wisdom that is good, of heaven, of God is laid out in those verses. And those adjectives of the Godly wisdom are simple but so deep. i don't know exactly how to put it into words but i just was really taken back by those verses wondering if i could say i have that wisdom.

so maybe God had a plan for me to get konked on the head so i culd slow down and just get to know him better. which makes me think of Frank Drown (Book: Missions to the Headhunters) when he got sick same thing. it was a time for him to get to know God better.

back to coffee

mostly i've been writing about the activities but not as much as the depth of anything. and i wrote in the first entry that i would be coffee shop real so let's have some D'volada (coffee shop down here).

last thursday night two of the girls and i went out for mainly laundry but got some d'volada (amazing smoothies. plantano y mas esta muy rico!) but we struck up good conversation. we were talking about oh we're having a hard time trying to figure out the balance in MCM schedule. How we are taught to constantly be growing in our relationships with God but yet we are busy with building from 7 to 4:30pm (essentially. some food, sessions, etc in there as well). Then we have to hang out with the groups more and invest time in them which none of that is bad it's just on top of that theres laundry to do, chores, book studies, getting to know the current staff, etc. In this conversation we dug deeper into just relating our struggles and went off into different topics. we talked about the staff as a whole and how we can work on being closer. this topic continued as we sat parked in rally van with a minuscule interruption of a mob mentality hiding, one person suggests it so others don't see us then the rest comply then as you lay on the floor you wonder why are you are. but any way after a good laugh we continued and decided that we could at least start with accountability with each other. real accountability too. where, out of love we approach the other person if they are acting, saying, etc. things that aren't glorifying to God. real accountability. i found myself being able to open up to these two girls very easily and trusting them.

this vulnerability continued into orientation weekend. saturday evening i had to tell my life story with all its glory and i did it. completely allowed myself to be vulnerable to these people (staff). i was scared to do so because for so long i was held and held myself to this reputation of "i'm a pastors kid, nothing bothers me, i don't struggle, i've got all the answers." that being vulnerable was the worst nightmare but it has been awesome just being me and not worrying about that stupid reputation. and the atmosphere here, just being able to be completely open and real with each other is awesome. i had several people thank me for being vulnerable and real, thats never happened to me before. Then getting to know everyone else on a deeper level was very cool (lame adjective) as well.

i have definitely been (being) stretched in my faith already:
"falling on my knees offering all of me Jesus your all this heart is living for." - can i really sing that?, don't shut up be bold and speak, worship means sacrifice, there is no plan b, don't be luke warm, where Jesus takes us that's where we need to go, "I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light."_John Keith Falconer
In my character:
patience, being me with no reputation, learning to live with different personalities, being open, etc.

even today as i went out around TJ checking the properties (where we will build) and getting acquainted with more cultural places i was being less timid about using my spanish (slowly) and just being me. Learning as much as possible or at least trying to and just be willing to learn as much as possible.

so now that this is kinda long, you received a glimpse of what's going on, on a more coffee shop level.

otra dia en Mexico

so i´m at an internet cafe right now with some other girls (staff) and i never really thought about the fact that the keyboards would be different in a different country, they are! haha anyway. my weekend was really fun. the staff decided to go camping. we drove about an hour and then stayed at a ¨camp site¨ - it was a place on the side of the road haha, it was a lot of fun. we slept right next to the ocean. it was gorgeous. we were next to this place called the la bufadora its where the water hits the side of the ¨cliff¨ and shoots up really high. that morning we also saw dolphins and whales. it was really cool. i´ll try to get pictures up eventually. sunday we went up to the states and listened to Brad speak at Eddie´s(director) church. orginially eddie was going to but then switched so we went and then we picked up the next group. they are still here. they´re from wisconsin. one of the girl staffer´s family, friends, and community. and this weekend we have orientation so we wont be able to go to church this weekend either so i haven´t had that experience yet.

i had my third bulid today. it went a lot better then yesterday. Hayley (staff) put me in charge of the side walls on a 12x16 and i had one measurement off an inch and it screwed that up so we had to pull up the plywood. kinda annoying but its okay i made sure i learned from my mistakes today. by the end of this week is when i should be leading. i´ll find that out tomorrow at the staff meeting. the whole group is here now. i love the girls and the guys are cool too. i´m just trying to stay open and teachable and just love others.

Estoy aqui!

It is about 7 in the morning right now in TJ. everyone is just beginning to think about getting up. Still being on Michigan time i've been up since 6. but yesterday got in around mmm 3 i think and got the tour of all the sweet staff areas that groupos aren't allowed in and got settled in. the staff down here is great. everyone is every welcoming and helpful. they do have a close-nit bound already so hopefully i'll be able to slip in soon. It's not that they aren't friendly they have just been together longer so it would make sense that its there. I'm not exactly sure what i'll be doing today but i'm excited. I love this place.

emotionally and physically i'm doing alright. all the nerves and fears subsided once i stepped into the dorm. I'm trying to stay aware though because i know that getting to comfortable isn't always good either. but just be praying for the staff to become a community (another newbe next week) and for me specifically? um just getting adjusted and being an encouragement, loving, teachable person.

surreal

I'm off to Mexico tomorrow morning! I'm anxious and eager. please pray! thanks guys- i'll try to keep up with the blogging as much as I can.

rant

disliking very much how i have to schedule time in for friends and the fact that it is extremely stressful doing so. I don't want to be unfair by having more time with one individual than another. I don't like that almost my whole week is scheduled either. I'm fearing that I'm not going to have time to relax before i leave. if only people could do things in the morning and by that I don't mean 1pm. there was one person who took the initiative and called me and then came over and just hung out with me while i was working on other things; that was nice. it let me know that they cared and took away stress big time! plus it didn't cost anything. i don't have money to do everything that everyone wants to do. blah. plus...I'm scared that I won't spend enough time with my family. friends are important yes but family is really important...huh maturity?


stressful.

graduate

Yesterday some where between 4:30-6:30(ish) p.m. I offically completed high school! Now onto the next segment of the journey. Mexico next week. Liberty next fall (D.V.).
All for God's glory!

Steppin' into the last weeks

In two weeks from now I will be flying to San Diego, California. I have to keep planning times that I'm going to be hanging out with friends and other various events/activities. It's crazy. I done with high school as of last Friday but I'm officially done this Sunday when I move the tassel. Crazy. Each day I have random times when I'm just thinking and then I realize in glimpses what has just happened and what is going to happen within the next two weeks and the next year. I'm so excited for everything that I'm going to learn and experience but I'm definitely getting to that point where I'm getting nervous.

tweaking

ha i started to type this note but i didn't like how it sounded so i kept hitting the backspace key which made me think of "You've Got Mail" when Tom Hank's is writing to Meg Ryan about why he "stood her up" and ends up writing that he's in the process of a project that needs "tweaking." random kinda, but not really because its me ha.

i was hanging out with a friend last week and i was asked "isn't it weird thinking that what you've done for the past twelve years will be done?" to which with no hesitation i said, "yes. definitely." i had thought about that concept before that conversation but still even now thinking about it i conclude, it's weird. now as i'm on the brink of the last two weeks of high school the concept is become less of a concept. i'm not terrified as i may sound from those past words but just pondering the thoughts. my whole life has been school (pretty much). i'm scared because i'm leaving all i've ever known, in more ways then one...but at the same time i'm ecstatic. not necessarily for the "i'm done with high school" (that's just a perk) or "i get to get away from home." but rather the fact that i get to jump into a whole new segment of my journey and i get to do it knowing that God is always there with me. Yeah, sure i'm still nervous but as i'm giving my nerves to God i'm relying more and more on Him as it should be.

so not working on a project but jumping into a new segment of life where i can always use some "tweaking."

Proverbs 3:5-6

not in control

the feeling of hopelessness. but not in the general sense. life is good. i never write about the good i feel like, i'm sorry just normally when i write it's to get things out and try to understand what exactly is going on in my head. but really life is good, which now thinking this through ha it all makes sense..well i mean as much as it can so alright let's back up so you understand what i'm saying as well.

hopeless. lately i've been writing about the feeling of immobility. As if i'm not helping and loving others, that i'm reading the Bible but the words pass through and once again like a couple of years ago its just a text book, that life is just a day to day survive almost. now again its not that i've lost my faith by any means i have just felt stuck. and that's what i mean by hopeless.


then there's always the addition to the random things of every day. the stress: my whole life school has come easy, i've always enjoyed learning, and working in school, but this class...i work really hard to in understand, get a good grade, and pass the AP test coming up to get college credits.

or how about friendships? i don't know what it is but my whole life...there have been certain people i have gotten really close to then something(s) happen and we don't talk or we barely talk...and recently this year it has occurred again. Or with friendships, i get along with people older then me more often because...i don't know but then obviously there's a lot of times i feel like the stupid younger kid who always wants to hang around. Or with friendships, i get along with someone pretty well but they leave or i leave(trips). And friends are a huge part in my life. they're large impact on my life.

Mexico is coming up and i'm starting to become really nervous. along with that of course is immense excitement but the nerves take over the excitement at times. there's just so many different "what if's" that are going through my mind and at times if i'm honest, "what am i doing?"


but as i started with, life is really good right now. all of these things are currently happening and have been for a little while but yet i have a strange peace, that just settled in today. last night in my small group for youth group there were times as my leader or someone else was talking i would be off somewhere else mostly here. wishing i could write everything i just did to get this figured out but this morning as i was writing in my journal i was writing to God, just pouring out my heart. telling Him everything i just wrote about friends, mexico, school, being stuck, etc. and as i was coming to the end the peace sat in. Little things might be wrong here and there (and shocker that a month from me leaving things aren't peachy), but what i'm going to be doing, working with Caravan in Mexico is where i should be. Yes i'm nervous but still i'm nervous with a peace. that might not make sense but its true. all things things are happening but i'm good. life is good. all because God has a plan and He is in control. i'm not saying that i'm going to stop working hard in school and that the stress will go away, or that i'm automatically going to be "free" from be stuck, or that friendships will ever be easy, etc. but simply that i know things will be okay because I'm not in control.

good to know

i was talking to a friend today about stress. they were mentioning their stress and i commented on how i was momentarily stressed because of a previous class. i generally don't think i'm a stressed person unless its exam week or something like that.


to know when one is stressed:
they freak out, even for a moment, over having to wear glasses for a month.

Today was just a good day!

I don't really know what it was but today has been beautiful. Even after coming home and not getting to my homework right away i still finished it before dinner. Then i headed out to shack (small group), windows down and fun summery music blaring. (there may have been singing and dancing...) We played some basketball outside and the ramifications of wearing sandals, playing barefooted to which i said...eh ok! but alas when the time came to jump into The Word and having sweet discussions and just be real and open, this moment i had waited for all week...could not come. point of this random post: i have, slowly and continually these past months, started to realize how important a close community and accountability are.

alright lets be real

i never like to admit this but thats a whole other post to talk about how i love to be real but i still have things that i hate admitting. but anyway...my last post i talked about how i felt like i was too comfortable in this and God kinds shook that up and its true He did and thankfully i've been dealing with the struggles a lot better which is awesome and not my strength thats for darn sure. but even though i was shaken i don't feel like i personally moved. i might have been humbled on my knees for a little while but i definitely feel like i just stood back up. i don't mean i've lost any faith or anything like that i just think that i'm not growing. or maybe i am...i don't. i just feel like i'm not doing anything. Today i was asked what was God doing in my life and i couldn't think of anything! what's up with that? He's done everything in my life, I am because He has said...but still why can't i think of anything. i kinda feel like this isn't making any sense. i don't really know how to put it into words. its not necessarily empty as in i've lost all but maybe empty is an adjective you could use...i don't know. its not even that i'm sad or depresssed or anything like that, in the general sense. if you saw me in a normal day i dont' think you'd be able to tell but its annoying. there are specific times, like now, when my eyes are really open to it and it bugs me. i want to move forward. i want to be learning more and more about how to love others like Jesus and just how to glorify Him in everything i do, as well as actually doing those things but i feel as though i'm at a mute point...and i'm not okay with that. again i don't know if this makes sense but i said i was going to be real be like coffee shop sheet music.

comfortable...

I thought a couple of months ago that "i'm too comfortable. i'm not necessarily going forward nor am i going backwards i'm just good where i am." And now ironically, or not really, at the end of senior year and about 2 months until i leave for Mexico, specifically this past week...things aren't so comfortable anymore.

It's actually really weird because there are definitely some things recently that have been going really well. things with some friends, school, etc. but then some things have just gotten so screwed up. Things with relationships and old struggles.

Stuff with some relationships has not been easy. Things like realizing i can't be too dependent on people, specifically friendships, but also that God has called us to have close people in our lives to help us along the way...i have to find that balance. Then to continually love because i was and am loved through all my mistakes and this isn't my life. To be a real friend Proverbs 17:17 and that sometimes being a friend means saying things and doing things that the other person won't necessarily like but from the best of my knowledge its for the best. but still...

today i'm definitely saying "I can't figure things out" but thankfully God will guide me...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
_Proverbs 3:5-6

perspective. purpose

today i lost all perspective. i woke up grumpy and just stayed that way for most of the day. no reason, it was just one of those days. and i understand that sometimes we all just have those days but they can be over come. i don't have to be stuck. Recently some relationships have been hard to deal with. theres a core group of people that i've been hanging out with this past year and we've grown together but recently it has all been falling apart. i thought by now we would all be past the "clickiness" and the gossip but i feel like that's where its fallen to. it hasn't been about hanging out with each other to enjoy each others company or to get to know each other more...or even just being the types of friend the Bible describes: "A friend loves at all times (NIV)" or different phrasing "Friends love through all kinds of weather." (message) _Proverbs 17:17. i know there will be times when we don't get along and we'll get hurt because of things but really "We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."_1 John 4:19-21.

all the random little things that are happening are so miniscule in the grand scheme of things so why are we allowing it to rip the tight friendships we had? God forgave us for all our sins and we can't forgive people for one or two things they've done? i'm in the fault as well. i have been hurt by something and i haven't forgave the person even though we talked, only making the situation more awkward. When Jesus was on the earth there were many times that he loved people but they rejected him...but still he continued to love them and ultimately pay their debt. why do we hold so tightly to the dumbest things?

in between working on homework i read something my friend posted (notes from a retreat) and i'm going to post them to leave you with some thoughts. but as for me i'm saying "Father break me down so i'm not proud and let me love like You do."

My Friend's Notes:
-God's not going to hide His will from you.
-Anxious feelings is flushing God's Sovereignty down the toilet.
-Is Something out of His Control?
-All we see are problems. God can solve them.
-Dwell on the present in God's Holiness.
-Ask God to tell you what to do
-How often are you in His word?
-What is not letting you hear Him?
-He'll give you the opportunity to hear Him.
-What is distracting you?
-What is your priority?
-Why didn't he take immediately to heaven?
-We are His mirrors, to show others Him.
-Are you hiding something?
-You are ignoring God.
-God will reveal what is not okay.
-Check attitude when you sin?
-Do you care?
-That He was beaten and killed
-Don't let sin reign in your life
-1 John
-How are you going to be protected if you are not reading everyday.
-James 4:4 "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?"
-If you don't take it seriously... The world will feed you lies.
-YOU NEED THE BIBLE!
-How do you discern what God's will is?
-Principles to live by daily
-Close to Him
-Listen to the Holy Spirit.
-How do you check that?
-James 4:15 "Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'."
-Make sure you bring it to God in prayer
-Open your hands that are holding your dreams
-Or God will tear them out of your hands.
-"I want my hands open to receive your gifts"
-It's how you react.
-Maybe God's has not revealed His will yet.
-"Your not ready for that... I haven't prepared you yet... But I will mend and mold you for that moment." ~God~
-"Why won't you tell me!"
-He wants you to trust Him MORE!
-Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
-HE KNOWS!
-Come before him with what's burdening your heart.
-Go to God with the scary stuff you can't explain.
-He will never leave you or forsake you
-I am stupid, HELP ME!
-Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-I Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all you anxiety on him because he cares for you."
-He couldn't live eternity without you.
-STOP
-REMEMBER WHO MADE YOU!

its not arbitrary

don't say best friend then walk away. that card has been delt before and i can't handle it again. i realize i'm a pushover in friendship but what every one doesn't realize is that it because i don't want to hurt anyone else, so call me a pushover. two more months then i'm gone for a year. friendship is not a one man band.

rush

i have a lot on my mind. struggles, questions, anxious, wondering, the inexplainable.

it's about being inspired. i have been trying to write a song for so long but i could never get the words right. i'd slouch back in my chair in defeat. there would be another time as there always is in my life, where i just wanted to write. to finally express myself through that which i love so intently. but again, i'd slouch. i'd be back though. i always am. i strum those strings maybe even hit a few ivory keys and even if i wasn't playing a patented song i would just play because it...frees me. then i would think to myself if only there were words...

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
_Aldous Huxley

...but why words? there is so much to be said by simply not saying anything

woah too much...

there are multiple thoughts and things to discuss from today. Let's see. school today was pretty normal. some classes never ended but then i end the day with spanish which is always makes me in a good mood. Senorita asked me to give directions for making the passports for World Language Week next week but it was totally on the spot so i freaked out and didn't do it. stupid. even though things might freak me out i need to take the opportunities i'm given especially now when i'm still in a spanish class.

after school i finished addressing, stamping, and filling the envelopes with my support letters. I even finished making the excel document with all the names, addresses, how much i need to gain still etc. then i called eddie to make sure caravan has an account for me but didn't reach him.

at shack tonight it was a singing shack. instead of splitting up we all stay together and sing and just share whats going on. and the last two of those i don't know for some reason my head just has not been in them but usually i still have a few good points/thoughts to share but tonight man i don't know i was just not there. i don't know why. we played and sang some songs and i couldn't concentrate. but then we got into groups of about three and prayed. my group, it was cool because at first we all prayed once and then we just kept praying. whoever had something on their heart prayed. a lot of the time when i pray out loud i'm always thinking about what i'm going to say next and the first time thats how it was but someone in my group mentioned that we be broken for what God is broken for which made me think of the song Hosanna by Hillsong United where she sings "break my heart for what breaks yours." That is my favorite line of that song and so i just went off that and started talking and it was like i was just talking to another friend i was talking then after i said the words i realized what i was saying. i love it when prayer is like that just completely honest, the way it's suppose to be. so then when we started singing again we sang "O Praise Him" by David Crowder and there is one part where it says "this love so rescuing...redeeming love, so now we sing" (or something close) and it just clicked. Tomorrow is good friday. it isn't really a celebration, tomorrow but more of a remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. but that is what we are remembering tomorrow "redeeming love." It just blew my mind. Thats why we can sing because of Jesus' redeeming love, his death. That's why we can share with others love, thats why we are. and with that in mind i finished the singing shack off with "Jesus Paid it all" by Kristian Stanfill. Some times i forget how big...big is to lame how grand of a gift i, we were given.

on my way out to my car i was all excited to make an "on-the-go" playlist on my ipod of songs like "mighty to save" "glorious" "hosanna" "beautiful jesus" etc. when i saw the gorgeous full moon and shining stars. i called up a friend to exclaim all the weird happenings of the day and then i realized again that in that moment it was another way God was saying "hey look here I am." Through the music(words, people singing, instruments), the nature that never ceases to amaze me, and through a really good conversation with a close friend. hmph, gotta love it.

so thank you if you've read it all i shall leave you tonight with these amazing lyrics:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

ah, i love that song! oooh and i just realized i forgot to inform you of the rest of the "mexico" news. i shall do that tomorrow because i'm sure you are wanting to be done reading this and i personally want sleep.