today i lost all perspective. i woke up grumpy and just stayed that way for most of the day. no reason, it was just one of those days. and i understand that sometimes we all just have those days but they can be over come. i don't have to be stuck. Recently some relationships have been hard to deal with. theres a core group of people that i've been hanging out with this past year and we've grown together but recently it has all been falling apart. i thought by now we would all be past the "clickiness" and the gossip but i feel like that's where its fallen to. it hasn't been about hanging out with each other to enjoy each others company or to get to know each other more...or even just being the types of friend the Bible describes: "A friend loves at all times (NIV)" or different phrasing "Friends love through all kinds of weather." (message) _Proverbs 17:17. i know there will be times when we don't get along and we'll get hurt because of things but really "We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."_1 John 4:19-21.
all the random little things that are happening are so miniscule in the grand scheme of things so why are we allowing it to rip the tight friendships we had? God forgave us for all our sins and we can't forgive people for one or two things they've done? i'm in the fault as well. i have been hurt by something and i haven't forgave the person even though we talked, only making the situation more awkward. When Jesus was on the earth there were many times that he loved people but they rejected him...but still he continued to love them and ultimately pay their debt. why do we hold so tightly to the dumbest things?
in between working on homework i read something my friend posted (notes from a retreat) and i'm going to post them to leave you with some thoughts. but as for me i'm saying "Father break me down so i'm not proud and let me love like You do."
My Friend's Notes:
-God's not going to hide His will from you.
-Anxious feelings is flushing God's Sovereignty down the toilet.
-Is Something out of His Control?
-All we see are problems. God can solve them.
-Dwell on the present in God's Holiness.
-Ask God to tell you what to do
-How often are you in His word?
-What is not letting you hear Him?
-He'll give you the opportunity to hear Him.
-What is distracting you?
-What is your priority?
-Why didn't he take immediately to heaven?
-We are His mirrors, to show others Him.
-Are you hiding something?
-You are ignoring God.
-God will reveal what is not okay.
-Check attitude when you sin?
-Do you care?
-That He was beaten and killed
-Don't let sin reign in your life
-1 John
-How are you going to be protected if you are not reading everyday.
-James 4:4 "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?"
-If you don't take it seriously... The world will feed you lies.
-YOU NEED THE BIBLE!
-How do you discern what God's will is?
-Principles to live by daily
-Close to Him
-Listen to the Holy Spirit.
-How do you check that?
-James 4:15 "Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'."
-Make sure you bring it to God in prayer
-Open your hands that are holding your dreams
-Or God will tear them out of your hands.
-"I want my hands open to receive your gifts"
-It's how you react.
-Maybe God's has not revealed His will yet.
-"Your not ready for that... I haven't prepared you yet... But I will mend and mold you for that moment." ~God~
-"Why won't you tell me!"
-He wants you to trust Him MORE!
-Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
-HE KNOWS!
-Come before him with what's burdening your heart.
-Go to God with the scary stuff you can't explain.
-He will never leave you or forsake you
-I am stupid, HELP ME!
-Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-I Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all you anxiety on him because he cares for you."
-He couldn't live eternity without you.
-STOP
-REMEMBER WHO MADE YOU!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
its not arbitrary
don't say best friend then walk away. that card has been delt before and i can't handle it again. i realize i'm a pushover in friendship but what every one doesn't realize is that it because i don't want to hurt anyone else, so call me a pushover. two more months then i'm gone for a year. friendship is not a one man band.
Friday, March 21, 2008
rush
i have a lot on my mind. struggles, questions, anxious, wondering, the inexplainable.
it's about being inspired. i have been trying to write a song for so long but i could never get the words right. i'd slouch back in my chair in defeat. there would be another time as there always is in my life, where i just wanted to write. to finally express myself through that which i love so intently. but again, i'd slouch. i'd be back though. i always am. i strum those strings maybe even hit a few ivory keys and even if i wasn't playing a patented song i would just play because it...frees me. then i would think to myself if only there were words...
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
_Aldous Huxley
...but why words? there is so much to be said by simply not saying anything
it's about being inspired. i have been trying to write a song for so long but i could never get the words right. i'd slouch back in my chair in defeat. there would be another time as there always is in my life, where i just wanted to write. to finally express myself through that which i love so intently. but again, i'd slouch. i'd be back though. i always am. i strum those strings maybe even hit a few ivory keys and even if i wasn't playing a patented song i would just play because it...frees me. then i would think to myself if only there were words...
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
_Aldous Huxley
...but why words?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
woah too much...
there are multiple thoughts and things to discuss from today. Let's see. school today was pretty normal. some classes never ended but then i end the day with spanish which is always makes me in a good mood. Senorita asked me to give directions for making the passports for World Language Week next week but it was totally on the spot so i freaked out and didn't do it. stupid. even though things might freak me out i need to take the opportunities i'm given especially now when i'm still in a spanish class.
after school i finished addressing, stamping, and filling the envelopes with my support letters. I even finished making the excel document with all the names, addresses, how much i need to gain still etc. then i called eddie to make sure caravan has an account for me but didn't reach him.
at shack tonight it was a singing shack. instead of splitting up we all stay together and sing and just share whats going on. and the last two of those i don't know for some reason my head just has not been in them but usually i still have a few good points/thoughts to share but tonight man i don't know i was just not there. i don't know why. we played and sang some songs and i couldn't concentrate. but then we got into groups of about three and prayed. my group, it was cool because at first we all prayed once and then we just kept praying. whoever had something on their heart prayed. a lot of the time when i pray out loud i'm always thinking about what i'm going to say next and the first time thats how it was but someone in my group mentioned that we be broken for what God is broken for which made me think of the song Hosanna by Hillsong United where she sings "break my heart for what breaks yours." That is my favorite line of that song and so i just went off that and started talking and it was like i was just talking to another friend i was talking then after i said the words i realized what i was saying. i love it when prayer is like that just completely honest, the way it's suppose to be. so then when we started singing again we sang "O Praise Him" by David Crowder and there is one part where it says "this love so rescuing...redeeming love, so now we sing" (or something close) and it just clicked. Tomorrow is good friday. it isn't really a celebration, tomorrow but more of a remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. but that is what we are remembering tomorrow "redeeming love." It just blew my mind. Thats why we can sing because of Jesus' redeeming love, his death. That's why we can share with others love, thats why we are. and with that in mind i finished the singing shack off with "Jesus Paid it all" by Kristian Stanfill. Some times i forget how big...big is to lame how grand of a gift i, we were given.
on my way out to my car i was all excited to make an "on-the-go" playlist on my ipod of songs like "mighty to save" "glorious" "hosanna" "beautiful jesus" etc. when i saw the gorgeous full moon and shining stars. i called up a friend to exclaim all the weird happenings of the day and then i realized again that in that moment it was another way God was saying "hey look here I am." Through the music(words, people singing, instruments), the nature that never ceases to amaze me, and through a really good conversation with a close friend. hmph, gotta love it.
so thank you if you've read it all i shall leave you tonight with these amazing lyrics:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
ah, i love that song! oooh and i just realized i forgot to inform you of the rest of the "mexico" news. i shall do that tomorrow because i'm sure you are wanting to be done reading this and i personally want sleep.
after school i finished addressing, stamping, and filling the envelopes with my support letters. I even finished making the excel document with all the names, addresses, how much i need to gain still etc. then i called eddie to make sure caravan has an account for me but didn't reach him.
at shack tonight it was a singing shack. instead of splitting up we all stay together and sing and just share whats going on. and the last two of those i don't know for some reason my head just has not been in them but usually i still have a few good points/thoughts to share but tonight man i don't know i was just not there. i don't know why. we played and sang some songs and i couldn't concentrate. but then we got into groups of about three and prayed. my group, it was cool because at first we all prayed once and then we just kept praying. whoever had something on their heart prayed. a lot of the time when i pray out loud i'm always thinking about what i'm going to say next and the first time thats how it was but someone in my group mentioned that we be broken for what God is broken for which made me think of the song Hosanna by Hillsong United where she sings "break my heart for what breaks yours." That is my favorite line of that song and so i just went off that and started talking and it was like i was just talking to another friend i was talking then after i said the words i realized what i was saying. i love it when prayer is like that just completely honest, the way it's suppose to be. so then when we started singing again we sang "O Praise Him" by David Crowder and there is one part where it says "this love so rescuing...redeeming love, so now we sing" (or something close) and it just clicked. Tomorrow is good friday. it isn't really a celebration, tomorrow but more of a remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. but that is what we are remembering tomorrow "redeeming love." It just blew my mind. Thats why we can sing because of Jesus' redeeming love, his death. That's why we can share with others love, thats why we are. and with that in mind i finished the singing shack off with "Jesus Paid it all" by Kristian Stanfill. Some times i forget how big...big is to lame how grand of a gift i, we were given.
on my way out to my car i was all excited to make an "on-the-go" playlist on my ipod of songs like "mighty to save" "glorious" "hosanna" "beautiful jesus" etc. when i saw the gorgeous full moon and shining stars. i called up a friend to exclaim all the weird happenings of the day and then i realized again that in that moment it was another way God was saying "hey look here I am." Through the music(words, people singing, instruments), the nature that never ceases to amaze me, and through a really good conversation with a close friend. hmph, gotta love it.
so thank you if you've read it all i shall leave you tonight with these amazing lyrics:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
ah, i love that song! oooh and i just realized i forgot to inform you of the rest of the "mexico" news. i shall do that tomorrow because i'm sure you are wanting to be done reading this and i personally want sleep.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
what's up with the name?
coffeeshopsheetmusic.
as i was setting this blog up i got stuck at one step. what was the name going to be? of course being me i tried to think of something that sounded sweet but had a meaning as well. the first thoughts contained; daily attempts, searching for a latin translator to translate "to be real not fake," and a lot of staring at the screen blankly. i dropped those ideas and tried to think in a different direction. when randomly i thought of sheetmusic. i really liked the sound of that and just the way it could be a really good metaphor but then i thought that people would see that and then think that it was a blog site for sheet music. which it is not. then i thought of coffeeshop but the same dilemma struck again people are going to think that this is a blog that actually has something to do with a coffee shop. alas it does not. So i figured okay what if i just add music to the end but still, same problem. then finally i put them together and thought it would be random enough that maybe i wouldn't have that dilemma and even if people come to find coffee shop sheet music they will read this and realize, it's not. plus, i just really liked the sound of it so i would risk having the dilemma.
so point right? the metaphors i drew from this name are many so i'll give a "brief" description of some. i don't know what it is about coffee shops but i love them. it isn't the coffee because i don't like coffee, it isn't the smell because while i like it i don't love it, it sure isn't the prices because let's be real its a little ridiculous some times. i think it might be the fact that you enter one and instantly you are welcomed and feel comfortable. you can sit by yourself to do and not be bothered or (what i was thinking of when i thought of the name is) the fact that when you go to a coffee shop with a friend you share anything and everything without any worries of who's around, it's a public place but when you are there with a friend(s) it's only you and them with a jazz band softly playing in the background to set the mood. Then there's the sheetmusic part. music is more then just notes put together, it tells a story, "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. "_Victor Hugo...The composer places every dynamic, accidental, chord, and accent in the exact place they want to describe the story just as an author of a novel would choose every word. Then when the musician sits down to play the piece there may be parts that run smoothly and they have no problem but then there may be parts that they just cannot get. But as they continue to practice those parts they become easier with each little step. Just like sheetmusic life some times isn't easy.
so coffeeshopsheetmusic is a blog that i hope to write the truth my life's ups, downs, and all the glory in between.
as i was setting this blog up i got stuck at one step. what was the name going to be? of course being me i tried to think of something that sounded sweet but had a meaning as well. the first thoughts contained; daily attempts, searching for a latin translator to translate "to be real not fake," and a lot of staring at the screen blankly. i dropped those ideas and tried to think in a different direction. when randomly i thought of sheetmusic. i really liked the sound of that and just the way it could be a really good metaphor but then i thought that people would see that and then think that it was a blog site for sheet music. which it is not. then i thought of coffeeshop but the same dilemma struck again people are going to think that this is a blog that actually has something to do with a coffee shop. alas it does not. So i figured okay what if i just add music to the end but still, same problem. then finally i put them together and thought it would be random enough that maybe i wouldn't have that dilemma and even if people come to find coffee shop sheet music they will read this and realize, it's not. plus, i just really liked the sound of it so i would risk having the dilemma.
so point right? the metaphors i drew from this name are many so i'll give a "brief" description of some. i don't know what it is about coffee shops but i love them. it isn't the coffee because i don't like coffee, it isn't the smell because while i like it i don't love it, it sure isn't the prices because let's be real its a little ridiculous some times. i think it might be the fact that you enter one and instantly you are welcomed and feel comfortable. you can sit by yourself to do and not be bothered or (what i was thinking of when i thought of the name is) the fact that when you go to a coffee shop with a friend you share anything and everything without any worries of who's around, it's a public place but when you are there with a friend(s) it's only you and them with a jazz band softly playing in the background to set the mood. Then there's the sheetmusic part. music is more then just notes put together, it tells a story, "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. "_Victor Hugo...The composer places every dynamic, accidental, chord, and accent in the exact place they want to describe the story just as an author of a novel would choose every word. Then when the musician sits down to play the piece there may be parts that run smoothly and they have no problem but then there may be parts that they just cannot get. But as they continue to practice those parts they become easier with each little step. Just like sheetmusic life some times isn't easy.
so coffeeshopsheetmusic is a blog that i hope to write the truth my life's ups, downs, and all the glory in between.
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