A lot of this is from the message my dad gave yesterday called, "Ending Well" then of course mixed with some my thoughts.
Around this time of year there is a lot of reevaluating looking back over the past year. With this holiday this is common, however; there are many other times in life we look back over our lives or the lives of others: thanksgiving, after an accident, a sickness, a death, birthdays, or maybe if you're like me several other random times just reflecting. As believers, when we reflect it isn't, hopefully, focused on: success, wealth, health, happiness, or desires that came true but rather a couple other things. Paul hits these as he comes near to his end.
As Paul writes 2 Timothy he is aware that his death is to come soon. Specifically in 2 Timothy 4 verse 6 we see this: For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. But then Paul continues with what our focus as believers should be in verse 7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Paul lays out our "blueprints" for reflection here. It is a good ending if we... fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. But what do those mean?
Fought the Good Fight:
first off we are at battle with sin in our own hearts. It means putting to death the desires of our flesh (Colossians 3). It is a fight against yourself. That there may be nothing left of us but solely Christ.
Fighting the good fight also means fighting the world. We are to be set apart from this world not falling to the corruption of this world - movies, music, theology, thoughts on marriage, on life, on others, money, work, church, school, family, relationships, etc. - but to be constantly renewing our minds to be more like Christ (Romans 12:2).
It is also a fight against the enemy, "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:11-12
Now this does not mean we fight just to fight. There are some who pick fights but we are not suppose to be those individuals. For as 2 Timothy 2:24 says, "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful."
Finished the Race:
This race is not a race we choose but one that Christ set out for us. Acts 20:24, "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Notice Paul didn't say that I win the race but finish. Not to say that this is any way passive, Paul said that he considers his life worth nothing but rather his entire life was about finishing the race Christ set before him, preaching to the Gentiles. As Christ followers we are to be about the things Christ is about and He is about redeeming His people back, this is the race set before us.
Kept the Faith:
There are different times when Paul is writing his letters and mentions that certain people have turned away from Christ, from the faith. Don't give up on faith! Christ will never give you anything you can't handle, remember this? Or how about His promise that He will never leave or forsake you (Hebrew 13:5), that He will be with you until the end of the ages as you run the race (Matthew 28:20)? Don't give up, rely on Christ! "The moment you think you could never fall is when you are most vulnerable." - my dad.
So as we reflect we need to ask: (in this situation, this year, this lifetime) have I fought the fight? Finished the race? Kept the faith?
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrew 12:1-3
And if we do these; fight the fight, finish the race, keep the faith, then we will receive a crown (verse 8): Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
One last thought, in verse 8 it says those who long for his appearing...are you looking forward to seeing Jesus? Paul writes to the Philippians that he is torn because he wants to be in heaven with Christ but realizes that it would be more beneficial for him to be here on earth for now (Philippians 1:21-26). Do you want to see Jesus Christ so badly that you would go right now if you could?
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Lift Your Eyes
This week was finals week. 24 hours devoted to studying, eating, sleeping, and taking tests (how ridiculous). Upon all of this there was the stress from last week, as said in my past learning, only little did I (and probably still do) I comprehend.
Sunday was the beginning of the "breach." As I heard teaching from Isaiah waking me slightly from my sleep to realize that there were sins I was allowing to become life mostly those of pride and selfishness. I was cracked by this, how could I allow this to happen? But then it was time to get back to school life and study, study, study. Throughout the week the Holy Spirit began convicting me. I would say something then instantly think, "that was not edifying." It might have been a funny sarcastic comment but that does not matter and last time I checked - this individual (speaking of myself) wasn't a fan of sarcasm. I even had a conversation with a friend at one point talking about how I need to tame my tongue. But still I went on with the week in jest. There were a couple different times where I did apologize for my speech but still allowed it to happen...? Yesterday morning while I was studying I was just so torn. There was something on my mind that I just wouldn't allow me to focus. I read a long letter that was given to me a couple months back. It was filled with scripture and as I read through each page I hurt more and more, I was cracking. Then came today. Last final done and out of the way this morning. Came back to my room cleaned, packed, helped send off my roommate, and then began to read "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I came to page 73 and as I finish the second paragraph, I'm broken.
I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybes it's not due to a lack of believe but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own. In fact, I pray that some of you readers would be broken over the grief you've placed on the Holy Spirit. So broken that you actually put down this book and work to resolve any conflicts you have with other believers. "if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Rom. 12:18)
I put the book down and walked across campus to a friend. As I walked up the stairs I wasn't excited because this was going to mean all pride killed in this to say, I was wrong forgive me. And unfortunately I did think that, Praise God that He stopped those thoughts and humbled me. After this I came back to my room and began to talk with another friend. I began to think out loud and was shocked: When I was in the different environment I was held to different standards. We all had the same values and without really vocalizing them we all understood and held to them. Here its different. The standards aren't as high so I'm able to get away with things. Not in the sense that I'm conscientiously thinking, "I can get away with this." Even with this truth, I cannot use it as an excuse. And at the beginning of this semester I had purpose and passion. I knew, whether or not I had every detail laid out, that God was in control and that I was here for a purpose and I was okay with that then... In that place, I was also very aware of the spiritual battles going on. I didn't over exaggerate it but I did not down play it and now...I've let my guard down. How could I have been so dumb, so blind? Instantly I was reminded of 1 Peter 5:5-9:
Sunday was the beginning of the "breach." As I heard teaching from Isaiah waking me slightly from my sleep to realize that there were sins I was allowing to become life mostly those of pride and selfishness. I was cracked by this, how could I allow this to happen? But then it was time to get back to school life and study, study, study. Throughout the week the Holy Spirit began convicting me. I would say something then instantly think, "that was not edifying." It might have been a funny sarcastic comment but that does not matter and last time I checked - this individual (speaking of myself) wasn't a fan of sarcasm. I even had a conversation with a friend at one point talking about how I need to tame my tongue. But still I went on with the week in jest. There were a couple different times where I did apologize for my speech but still allowed it to happen...? Yesterday morning while I was studying I was just so torn. There was something on my mind that I just wouldn't allow me to focus. I read a long letter that was given to me a couple months back. It was filled with scripture and as I read through each page I hurt more and more, I was cracking. Then came today. Last final done and out of the way this morning. Came back to my room cleaned, packed, helped send off my roommate, and then began to read "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I came to page 73 and as I finish the second paragraph, I'm broken.
I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybes it's not due to a lack of believe but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own. In fact, I pray that some of you readers would be broken over the grief you've placed on the Holy Spirit. So broken that you actually put down this book and work to resolve any conflicts you have with other believers. "if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Rom. 12:18)
I put the book down and walked across campus to a friend. As I walked up the stairs I wasn't excited because this was going to mean all pride killed in this to say, I was wrong forgive me. And unfortunately I did think that, Praise God that He stopped those thoughts and humbled me. After this I came back to my room and began to talk with another friend. I began to think out loud and was shocked: When I was in the different environment I was held to different standards. We all had the same values and without really vocalizing them we all understood and held to them. Here its different. The standards aren't as high so I'm able to get away with things. Not in the sense that I'm conscientiously thinking, "I can get away with this." Even with this truth, I cannot use it as an excuse. And at the beginning of this semester I had purpose and passion. I knew, whether or not I had every detail laid out, that God was in control and that I was here for a purpose and I was okay with that then... In that place, I was also very aware of the spiritual battles going on. I didn't over exaggerate it but I did not down play it and now...I've let my guard down. How could I have been so dumb, so blind? Instantly I was reminded of 1 Peter 5:5-9:
Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility towards one another, because, "God opposes the proud
but give grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. You enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
but give grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. You enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
Jesus, give me Your heart
Let there be a death in me
I'm making room for all that You are
Give me Your heart - Weak Man, Leeland
My beating heart is bursting out my skin
To go further up and further in.
Whatever it takes to bring me somewhere higher
Be it rain or be it fire. - Heaven and Earth, Phil Wickham
Lord may I be rooted firmly in You. Unwavering, not taking the detours or easy paths, but striving on direct towards You and Your Kingdom. Open my eyes, let me be attentive to Your Spirit. Give me strength to withstand the lies and temptation of the enemy.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Thursday on Sunday...Intentional
in⋅ten⋅tion⋅al –adjective
| 1. | done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult. |
| 2. | of or pertaining to intention or purpose. |
Friday night, I was reading through my old journal specifically entries that were written in Jan. and Feb (2009). I was shocked by the intentionality. My journals aren't day by day, "Today Billy and I went to the park..." (ha) or whatever my day had but rather prayers. And the prayers from the beginning of this year to now have changed quite a bit. I was praying so intentionally about relationships and attitude. If my attitude wasn't right I would lift it up casting that burden upon the Lord. As I finished reading some entries there was a weight that fell upon me; I have not been living as intentionally as I would like/should be living. I was talking to a friend this past week about this intentionality. My environment has changed quite a bit within the last couple months from very intentional - people not letting you get away with things to a culture which doesn't expect such high standards. Therefore I have been "getting away" with things. Not that I'm getting into the party scene or drugs or the rather evident things but just things that slip under the radar. Things that unless you are in a specific environment will slip unless you are very intentional.
This morning I heard from Isaiah 1:15-20 (ESV):
When you spread out your hands,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even though you make many prayers,
I will not listen;
your hands are full of blood.
Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean;
remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;
cease to do evil,
learn to do good;
seek justice,
correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's cause.
"Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.
If you are willing and obedient,
you shall eat the good of the land;
but if you refuse and rebel,
you shall be eaten by the sword;
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
The weight became heavier as I read through as realized I am like a dog returning to its vomit (Prov. 26:11). I know what it is like to be sanctified by the Lord, to be washed white as snow yet...I continue to go back to the my sin and wallow in the blood of my sin? At this, I think of Paul's words when he is writing to the Romans, "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (7:15) My mind swirled back to this previous week and all of its occurrences and then back to reading my journal. Not only was I not being as intentional in my prayer and life my tone had changed. The more recent entries have the tone more of a daughter who is has been caught "red handed" (Is. 1:15) versus the intimacy that use to be there.
Normally these "learnings" have solution conclusion because I saw the lesson on the "way out" only this time I'm in it and learning to which I say Praise God for showing me my follies, my sin, and for reminding me of HIS view of sin (James 2:10) versus my own. Therefore this end isn't super conclusive, I guess I will end with this as a challenge to you reading and is what I'm working towards again. No matter what environment you are in, be intentional always with your relationship with Christ. And know this no matter what you do it is not until you are "willing and obedient" will you then "you shall eat the good of the land" (Is. 1:19). Not just willing for have you ever heard anyone say, "I am willing to take care of the environment." or "I am will to do something about AIDS."? No, for willing won't do anything therefore be willing AND obedient to the Lord in all things even those under radar.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Mexico and back
Before we left, I knew that the week was going to be a good hard. By that I mean I knew I was going to be stretched a ton but that it was going to be hard. The whole week I struggled with were I am right now, being at school. My Junior year I committed to missions full time then during my internship I committed to going to the unreached and to the places no one wants to go. After being in Mexico for 15 months coming back hasn't been easy. At first I had no problem. I was pumped to be learning in every subject. But then a couple months went by and it was as if my transition period was delayed because that is when it started becoming hard. I've been struggling with:
"What does it look like for my to be overflowing with Christ? A contagious Christ follower? One who, even though I'm on a Christian campus, is different from the rest? I want to spread the gospel but I'm a Christian campus so what does that look like there? I'm at school for right now with what seemed no purpose. I am taking general classes but unsure with what my major should be. I know that I want to go to the places where most won't go, so how do I get in - by what means?"
All these things constantly swarming my head the past couple weeks and especially last week being in a place I love. Mexico is home to me, I can't truly describe why but it is. I've never felt at home as much as I do there. During the week done there I was able to spend time with two of the most influential people in my life. They reminded me, "God doesn't have you in the field because He knows you aren't ready for it. He hasn't finished preparing you to go yet because you obviously don't have all of the necessities to effectively reach the lost. At school you, are learning discipline in an uncomfortable situation, and while it isn't the same, it's similar. The field will be unfamiliar, uncomfortable and you will have nothing/no one to rely on except Him. He's teaching you that right now. Continue to trust your life to Him daily. Keep putting your life and everything about it on the alter daily." They reminded me again that it isn't about me and His plan is best. It is in His timing that things come to play.
Then also every morning I had the opportunity to meet with three college women and study worship. The thing that hit me the most about our study that week was: school and homework need to be worship as well as the times of praise and relationships. They are not excluded from worship. Everything I do needs to be glorifying to God, that includes school and homework.
"What does it look like for my to be overflowing with Christ? A contagious Christ follower? One who, even though I'm on a Christian campus, is different from the rest? I want to spread the gospel but I'm a Christian campus so what does that look like there? I'm at school for right now with what seemed no purpose. I am taking general classes but unsure with what my major should be. I know that I want to go to the places where most won't go, so how do I get in - by what means?"
All these things constantly swarming my head the past couple weeks and especially last week being in a place I love. Mexico is home to me, I can't truly describe why but it is. I've never felt at home as much as I do there. During the week done there I was able to spend time with two of the most influential people in my life. They reminded me, "God doesn't have you in the field because He knows you aren't ready for it. He hasn't finished preparing you to go yet because you obviously don't have all of the necessities to effectively reach the lost. At school you, are learning discipline in an uncomfortable situation, and while it isn't the same, it's similar. The field will be unfamiliar, uncomfortable and you will have nothing/no one to rely on except Him. He's teaching you that right now. Continue to trust your life to Him daily. Keep putting your life and everything about it on the alter daily." They reminded me again that it isn't about me and His plan is best. It is in His timing that things come to play.
Then also every morning I had the opportunity to meet with three college women and study worship. The thing that hit me the most about our study that week was: school and homework need to be worship as well as the times of praise and relationships. They are not excluded from worship. Everything I do needs to be glorifying to God, that includes school and homework.
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