Because You say so, I'll Follow

For my creativity class, yes a class teaching your creativity..hmm, we have to write a paper on a creative person in the field we are going into. My professor was listing off attributes of a creative person and the three he listed off fit someone perfectly for me; visionary, effort, risk-taker: Nate Saint. Yesterday as I continued my research I thought I would watch, "End of the Spear." I had seen it before only I forgot last time I saw it, I wanted nothing to do with missions. As I watched the excitement of those five men as they made their plans my excitement rose with them. Then to see them leave their families... (from the movie) young Steve Saint asks, "If the Wawadoni attack will you defend yourself? Will you use your guns?" and Nate's response, "Son we can't shoot the Wawadoni, they're not ready for heaven." I was no longer just watching a movie but realizing, as I have before, this will be my life. I praise God for the times that I have with my friends and my family now but there will be a day when I have to say, "goodbye" at least for several years at a time and possibly forever. I'm not trying to dramatic but realistic. As the movie continued, my excitement grew once again as they had their first encounter with the Wawadoni people and then fell hard as those 5 men where martyred. It was the realization, again, that this is my life. From the day I realized the depth of my sin and pleaded for forgiveness, I committed my life. For when God saved us He did save us so that we might be free and give Him parts of our life but rather our whole entire lives...and then to be a disciple,

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple...So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26-27, 33)

Any one who does not renounce all that he has; things, money, jobs, dreams, parents, siblings, nieces & nephews, spouse, your life... Any one who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. This costs me my life...Those five men realized that. This life is bigger then fame, a good job with good money, then family, then living, but it is about God and HIS plan.

As these realizations spun through my head, and I praise God for this because I know if it were I these words wouldn't have come to my mouth, I prayed, "Lord, still I will go. If only one person comes from my death, so be it. I will go."

May this be true of my life:
I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit,testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to my myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received form the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:20-24)

long time coming...(haven't written in awhile)

Lord, I wanna yearn for You
I want to burn with Passion
For only You

So many questions without answers, Your promises still remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name

Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God

Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way


song lyrics: Yearn - Shane & Shane, Hold my Heart - Tenth Ave. North, Arms Open Wide - Hillsong, Hold Me Now - Hillsong, Hosanna - Hillsong

Running Hard

Recently there have been quite a few different changes happening. It's so funny to me, in an ironic sort of way. Two years ago this time I had a five year plan. I was going to graduate, go down to Caravan for a year, then head off to Virginia for four years...only oh yes, the only thing I followed to the "T" is graduating. I was at Caravan longer then I planned and I'm not definitely not in Virginia right now, the weather is telling me that one as well - whew its chilly. But despite all these adjustments over the past two years I still continue to make plans and I write about this all the time, would you think it would be kicked out of me or at least I would be smart enough to do something different haha. But alas once again I had one of these moments. I'm in a place I didn't plan on and I'm so glad I'm here. The support group that I was praying about looks completely different then I thought it was going to and they challenging me daily to dig deeper and be solid in my faith. I was going to be involved with a near by churches small groups but that didn't work and now I'm becoming involved in ways I never expected. I was arrogant in thinking that I was the only one who understood the need for missions, really how arrogant. I wasn't sure what to expect for church, God provided above expectations.

Two questions: Why am I continually surprised that God changes my plan? When God told Abraham, Moses, the disciples, and many many others He didn't say go with your plan but rather He said "Go! Leave all you know and follow me. Follow my plan." (Gen. 12:1, Exodus 3, Mark 1:16-20) And why am I surprised that God is working? He has been, is, and will continue to work for eternity and I have only been and will be as He allows me to be; I am but a vapor (James 4:13-15) but as the four living creatures cry out (Rev. 4:8) "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

I was brought back to my life statement again this week as I was learning this that I should be in all I do, living a life worthy for the Lord, life worthy of the gospel. That I continue to surrender all comforts, personality, significance that I have, plans, whatever it may be, to surrender all. For when Christ called the disicples they dropped all to follow Him, when Abraham left his family he didn't know where he was going but he obeyed and went (heb. 11:8), Moses tried to give excuses but he still went and God was with him, now today my story is similar. He is calling me to drop all even as I don't know where I am going, to go.

God continues to encourage me everyday with little things reminding me His plan is the best and He is in control.


I hear You calling me and I come running
I've fallen into love and nothing will stop me
I hear You calling me and I come running
_Heaven and Earth, Phil Wickham