Jesus is a straight shooter

Despite all that He taught me the other night I found myself this morning as we were listening to more of our job description and our different tasks all the insecurities came back again. Looking around the room at the different community life staff and seeing their strengths and realizing those aren't my strengths at all. Knowing Christ chose me out of the world but just not believing that I can do this. After lunch Jesus reminded me of Peter. As Peter took steps out onto the water towards Jesus but then started falling it wasn't lack of faith in Jesus but himself. He doubted that he could do it. But thinking about to the moment that Jesus said, "come follow me" and they dropped their nets immediately to follow. They left their jobs, their families, friends, security everything to follow Jesus, why? Back in their day to the boys ould go through schooling and eventually ask to follow a Rabbi and if the Rabbi thought you knew enough and had it then you could follow him. If not they would follow in the family trade. The rabbis were the most respected people so to have Jesus come up to these guys who were fisherman (meaning they didn't cut it) and have Him ask them, of course they are going to follow Him immediately. Jesus asked them because He believed they could cut it, that they had it in them to be like Him, to follow Him. Now going back to the water, Peter didn't believe that he could do it but Jesus wouldn't have said, "come follow me" if he didn't think Peter had it in him.

straight shot. Just as I was doubting in my abilities despite the fact that I knew He chose me Jesus says, "No I chose you because as you abide in me you can do this. I wouldn't have chosen you if you couldn't." He pulled in all I have been learning about being nothing unless I abide in Him, choosing me, and now believing in me.

I still don't fully get this but You chose me. You said, "come follow me." And while I am still learning to believe in myself You are worthy of me dropping my nets and following immediately...wherever that may be or in whatever that may be, dropping it right away simply because You said, "come follow me."

Beautiful Wonderful Savior

I have begun this journey that lasts a year and is completely foreign to me. With it I have constantly been reminded in the past week or so that "Apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) I had even been praying, "help me realize I am nothing and there is no way I can get through this year without you." The three past days were spent with about thirty other student leaders at a camp. We spent time learning of each others' strengths and discussing how they will help the whole team, tubing down the river, roasting hot dogs, telling about our pets and favorite hobbies, playing rage and other games, eating animal crackers, taking ridiculous photos, taking late night walks, etc. However the entire time, I seemed to be somewhere else. I tried to figure out what it was the first day but couldn't. It was yesterday night after someone shared from God's Word and talk about how it has nothing to do with us. We aren't the ones who are going to change anything but it's about Jesus and the gospel. I walked quickly out of the room with everyone and just walked on the paths in the dark talking with Jesus trying to figure out what was wrong. Why I seemed to be else where. I had made the lap around when I decided to go around one more time. I rounded the first corner and just stopped. The noise from the rocky sand underneath my shoes was too loud so I just stopped and talked with Jesus. "I am nothing. I am nothing." it repeated again and again then I heard "but I chose you." In John 15 Jesus talks about He is the vine and we are the branches and how "apart from Him I can do nothing" (v.5) and that's what I was repeating, "I am nothing." The past week I had been reminded of this but it was last night (as I was walking) I realized I was forgetting redemption. "but I chose you. I chose you out of this world." Later in that same chapter (John15:19) Jesus says but I have chosen you out of this world. I am nothing, yes this is truth but it is not the end He chose me. I am nothing yet He chose me out of the world. He made me something. I was stuck in all my inconsistencies, unworthiness, under qualified characteristics, and flaws... oh what a lie. Yes I have all those things but I am not bound by those things. they don't define me. But what a lie the enemy fed. he only let me see that far and made me forget redemption. He chose me! Jesus Christ, savior king of kings immanuel son of God, He chose me. This just continued (at that moment when walking and in this moment as well) to blow my mind. He chose me. I was reminded of a song I have sang many times but a line came to life to me: "When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me." He chose me. Oh how He loves!

1 week and 1 day. woah. B.

Go to work. Receive daily assignments, mowing. Grab the ipod. Fill up the mower with gas. Push play. Mow.

That's the normal routine on days in which we mow but the last few days I've been on the mower a lot thanks to jumping off rocks and as I've been on it a lot my mind has started to wander. Often wanders to this fall. The common question that pops in my head, What in the world am I doing?! This fall I have the amazing opportunity to be an RA in the predominantly freshman dorm. Often people ask, "Are you ready?" um...no. I have no idea what I'm running into. And that's another thing I'm running, not walking but running head first and did I mention I'm blind? Once I get to this point in my mind I flip the switch. Ya you're right you can't do anything. Apart from Jesus I am nothing (John15:5). He's the one going to do all the work in and through you. Then my mind wanders somewhere else and then eventually at some point wanders back to it repeating pretty much the same pattern. Today I got sick of rummaging through my music so I listened to a message called "Holy Spirit and Our Efforts part 1" by Francis Chan. When I read the title of the message I figured it would be a good one to listen to since I'm going to be an RA..ha I love how God works.

Francis was working his way through the different characteristics in 2 Peter 1:5-11 when Jesus brought it to a heart issue in my wanderings. Steadfastness. Francis described steadfastness as "you have a weight on you and you keep holding it up. I'm going to hold it up longer. I'm going to hold it up longer. It's endurance." Yet so often we pray, "God take this weight." However, we don't become steadfast unless there's pressure. You're going to feel like quitting so most of us pray God get rid of the weight. We're not concerned about developing steadfastness. Have you ever in your life asked God to make your life a little more difficult so that you could develop steadfastness?

woah. At that point, I jerked the mower. Why had I subconsciously been asking God to give me a super easy year?

Francis continued, "why don't we instead say, 'ya know I'm a little weak. every little trial comes my way and I fall apart God I want to work on that because I want to become the man or woman you want me to be so keep it coming.'

what if Jesus came in to this room today and as you walked out of the doors He said, "I'll give you one of two options. Option A: the next year I can make it a very easy and comfortable year it'll be there. You want a good marriage, you got it. Not married but want to be, got it. You want a new job that you make 3 times as much as last year, you'll get it. You want perfect health for you and your family, you got it in fact you'll end up with a six pack. It's all going to be there. Now at the end of the year you're not going to be any stronger. You're not going to be any closer to me than last year. We won't be anymore intimate but it will have been a fun year. Or I'll give you option B: this next year I'm going to have you go through some hardships and its not going to be an easy year but during those times you and I are going to be so close. You are going to experience me like never before and at the end of the year you are going to be this man or woman that is just so far beyond what you are today with steadfastness and strength you've never had. I'll get you through it but it'll be tough. What will it be? A or B?"

Why had I subconsciously been asking God to give me a super easy year? I don't want comfort and easy I want God. If it takes hardships okay I want God, I want Jesus, I want to be a woman of God, His beloved daughter. Who cares about this life? Its fleeting, I'm a vapor (James 4:14). Man it was just on Sunday that I was telling a friend, "God is sustaining my every breath. Any time He could take it away but He continues to sustain me because He still has a purpose for me. And if all this is true, which it is, then why would I not live everything for Him!?" And now I'm asking for an easy out? Praise God for wake up calls. Praise God for giving us the Holy Spirit to convict us of things.


Bring it. I want You Jesus. Keep it coming.