1 week and 1 day. woah. B.

Go to work. Receive daily assignments, mowing. Grab the ipod. Fill up the mower with gas. Push play. Mow.

That's the normal routine on days in which we mow but the last few days I've been on the mower a lot thanks to jumping off rocks and as I've been on it a lot my mind has started to wander. Often wanders to this fall. The common question that pops in my head, What in the world am I doing?! This fall I have the amazing opportunity to be an RA in the predominantly freshman dorm. Often people ask, "Are you ready?" um...no. I have no idea what I'm running into. And that's another thing I'm running, not walking but running head first and did I mention I'm blind? Once I get to this point in my mind I flip the switch. Ya you're right you can't do anything. Apart from Jesus I am nothing (John15:5). He's the one going to do all the work in and through you. Then my mind wanders somewhere else and then eventually at some point wanders back to it repeating pretty much the same pattern. Today I got sick of rummaging through my music so I listened to a message called "Holy Spirit and Our Efforts part 1" by Francis Chan. When I read the title of the message I figured it would be a good one to listen to since I'm going to be an RA..ha I love how God works.

Francis was working his way through the different characteristics in 2 Peter 1:5-11 when Jesus brought it to a heart issue in my wanderings. Steadfastness. Francis described steadfastness as "you have a weight on you and you keep holding it up. I'm going to hold it up longer. I'm going to hold it up longer. It's endurance." Yet so often we pray, "God take this weight." However, we don't become steadfast unless there's pressure. You're going to feel like quitting so most of us pray God get rid of the weight. We're not concerned about developing steadfastness. Have you ever in your life asked God to make your life a little more difficult so that you could develop steadfastness?

woah. At that point, I jerked the mower. Why had I subconsciously been asking God to give me a super easy year?

Francis continued, "why don't we instead say, 'ya know I'm a little weak. every little trial comes my way and I fall apart God I want to work on that because I want to become the man or woman you want me to be so keep it coming.'

what if Jesus came in to this room today and as you walked out of the doors He said, "I'll give you one of two options. Option A: the next year I can make it a very easy and comfortable year it'll be there. You want a good marriage, you got it. Not married but want to be, got it. You want a new job that you make 3 times as much as last year, you'll get it. You want perfect health for you and your family, you got it in fact you'll end up with a six pack. It's all going to be there. Now at the end of the year you're not going to be any stronger. You're not going to be any closer to me than last year. We won't be anymore intimate but it will have been a fun year. Or I'll give you option B: this next year I'm going to have you go through some hardships and its not going to be an easy year but during those times you and I are going to be so close. You are going to experience me like never before and at the end of the year you are going to be this man or woman that is just so far beyond what you are today with steadfastness and strength you've never had. I'll get you through it but it'll be tough. What will it be? A or B?"

Why had I subconsciously been asking God to give me a super easy year? I don't want comfort and easy I want God. If it takes hardships okay I want God, I want Jesus, I want to be a woman of God, His beloved daughter. Who cares about this life? Its fleeting, I'm a vapor (James 4:14). Man it was just on Sunday that I was telling a friend, "God is sustaining my every breath. Any time He could take it away but He continues to sustain me because He still has a purpose for me. And if all this is true, which it is, then why would I not live everything for Him!?" And now I'm asking for an easy out? Praise God for wake up calls. Praise God for giving us the Holy Spirit to convict us of things.


Bring it. I want You Jesus. Keep it coming.