Matt. 6:33

I listened to Francis Chan's latest message "The Holy Spirit and Our Effort part 1" It was over 2 Peter 1:5-11. He was talking about character focusing on verses 5-8 this week. He asked "What do you work hardest at?" Then said for himself this past year he was more concerned with accomplishments rather than being the man of God God wants him to be. Which I feel rings all too well with me except it has been the past couple months. Peter instructs us to make every effort to add character, to who God has called you to be not accomplishments. He told a story: So Jesus comes in and Jesus give each one of us one of two choices," For the year of 2010 you could have a great year. Really easy, good relationships, good marriage - not married and want to be its okay perfect spouse you'll meet this year, work you make 3 times as much as you did in 2009, etc. The year will be great but you aren't stronger at the end and you and I...we won't be closer. Or plan B: It's going to be pretty rough, lots of trials, but it's okay because i'm with you and we'll be closer than we have ever been before and you've be stronger in your faith than ever. But it is going to be a really tough year. So what's your pick, plan A or plan B?" This made me think a lot. I wan so badly to be contagious, to be overflowing with Christ then hard times come and I fail...No more. I want to be like Christ i'm praying to be molded and shaped like Christ no matter what it takes! That's a scary statement, a scary prayer, but I mean it. I was asked today by a friend how I was soing to which I responded, "overall good." With further inquiry I began to explain, "It's hard being back. It's hard being on a Christian campus and wanting to be so contagious, to be so radical, so overflowing with Christ that I am standing out because of Christ - but unsure what that looks like. Its hard to be at school when I don't know why (major). It's hard when I don't have those deep friendships near. Its hard finding the balance between friends and school. It's hard to be single when everyone is talking about marriage...but I'm broken, God is humbling me, making me nothing. Making me dependent on Him for the future, with school, in relationships, and life. I'm glad I'm here in this, going through it all. I want so badly to be like Christ! I yearn to be who He has created me to be. Chan also said, "God is more concerned about changing you then your circumstances." And I think I'm beginning to understand at least for now and understand a glimpse that I am here to grow. Seems like a "duh" concept but as for those who know me I have many of those moments. Then the verse 8, "For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." I have been so concerned with accomplishments I've missed Character and have seen the very beginning of the down slide of being unproductive - not okay but, Praise God for revealing it to me now at the beginning, Praise God for waking me up!

Character over accomplishments
Seeking Christ over all!

Walking

Tonight I watched Passion of the Christ with some girls, one who had never seen it before. As it came to the walk up to Golgotha there was one main thing that continued to circulate in my mind: "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. " (Luke 9:23) Our culture has made the cross into this nice little pendent that we were around our necks or get tattooed on our arms but this was not a honoring symbol but one of disgrace and the lowest way of death. As I watched Gibson's interpretation of the walk up to Golgotha and eventually the act of the crucifixion through tears all I could do was cry out, "I will go even unto death. I will pick up my cross." My imagination went wild as I watched and thought of ways those words could "get" me into trouble but it doesn't matter for HE is worthy! He became nothing so that we might become something. The highest became the lowest. Lord teach me surrender every day, that I may be less and you may be all. Show me the pain, give me eyes to see as you, teach me how to love as you. This life is not my own! Lord keep me focused on You as you direct me and carry me through things I cannot understand for I know You are in control and Your plans are the best. I will pick up my cross Lord and follow You.

Lord you gave your life for me, So I will give my life for you " - Because of Your Love, Phil Wickham

"Death alone will put a stop to my effort!" - David Livingston
"If Jesus Christ Be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." - C.T Studd
"I have recieved my all from God, oh that I could return my all to God." - David Brainerd

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ, Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of know Christ Jesus my Lord." - Phil. 3:7-8
"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." - Acts 20:24

Questions.

It's been a lot harder then I ever thought it would be. I have so many questions, unanswered. I understand that trials are for maturity but why so constant? I'm trying to be used to beyond my best here where I am, but what does that look like? I want to continue to surrender every day, show me how. I want to be the person, even though I'm on a Christian campus, is so contagious and different because Christ is just overflowing. I want more and more of my God.