Lift Your Eyes

This week was finals week. 24 hours devoted to studying, eating, sleeping, and taking tests (how ridiculous). Upon all of this there was the stress from last week, as said in my past learning, only little did I (and probably still do) I comprehend.

Sunday was the beginning of the "breach." As I heard teaching from Isaiah waking me slightly from my sleep to realize that there were sins I was allowing to become life mostly those of pride and selfishness. I was cracked by this, how could I allow this to happen? But then it was time to get back to school life and study, study, study. Throughout the week the Holy Spirit began convicting me. I would say something then instantly think, "that was not edifying." It might have been a funny sarcastic comment but that does not matter and last time I checked - this individual (speaking of myself) wasn't a fan of sarcasm. I even had a conversation with a friend at one point talking about how I need to tame my tongue. But still I went on with the week in jest. There were a couple different times where I did apologize for my speech but still allowed it to happen...? Yesterday morning while I was studying I was just so torn. There was something on my mind that I just wouldn't allow me to focus. I read a long letter that was given to me a couple months back. It was filled with scripture and as I read through each page I hurt more and more, I was cracking. Then came today. Last final done and out of the way this morning. Came back to my room cleaned, packed, helped send off my roommate, and then began to read "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. I came to page 73 and as I finish the second paragraph, I'm broken.

I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybes it's not due to a lack of believe but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own. In fact, I pray that some of you readers would be broken over the grief you've placed on the Holy Spirit. So broken that you actually put down this book and work to resolve any conflicts you have with other believers. "if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." (Rom. 12:18)

I put the book down and walked across campus to a friend. As I walked up the stairs I wasn't excited because this was going to mean all pride killed in this to say, I was wrong forgive me. And unfortunately I did think that, Praise God that He stopped those thoughts and humbled me. After this I came back to my room and began to talk with another friend. I began to think out loud and was shocked: When I was in the different environment I was held to different standards. We all had the same values and without really vocalizing them we all understood and held to them. Here its different. The standards aren't as high so I'm able to get away with things. Not in the sense that I'm conscientiously thinking, "I can get away with this." Even with this truth, I cannot use it as an excuse. And at the beginning of this semester I had purpose and passion. I knew, whether or not I had every detail laid out, that God was in control and that I was here for a purpose and I was okay with that then... In that place, I was also very aware of the spiritual battles going on. I didn't over exaggerate it but I did not down play it and now...I've let my guard down. How could I have been so dumb, so blind? Instantly I was reminded of 1 Peter 5:5-9:

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility towards one another, because, "God opposes the proud
but give grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. You enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Jesus, give me Your heart
Let there be a death in me
I'm making room for all that You are
Give me Your heart - Weak Man, Leeland

My beating heart is bursting out my skin
To go further up and further in.
Whatever it takes to bring me somewhere higher
Be it rain or be it fire. - Heaven and Earth, Phil Wickham

Lord may I be rooted firmly in You. Unwavering, not taking the detours or easy paths, but striving on direct towards You and Your Kingdom. Open my eyes, let me be attentive to Your Spirit. Give me strength to withstand the lies and temptation of the enemy.