mostly i've been writing about the activities but not as much as the depth of anything. and i wrote in the first entry that i would be coffee shop real so let's have some D'volada (coffee shop down here).
last thursday night two of the girls and i went out for mainly laundry but got some d'volada (amazing smoothies. plantano y mas esta muy rico!) but we struck up good conversation. we were talking about oh we're having a hard time trying to figure out the balance in MCM schedule. How we are taught to constantly be growing in our relationships with God but yet we are busy with building from 7 to 4:30pm (essentially. some food, sessions, etc in there as well). Then we have to hang out with the groups more and invest time in them which none of that is bad it's just on top of that theres laundry to do, chores, book studies, getting to know the current staff, etc. In this conversation we dug deeper into just relating our struggles and went off into different topics. we talked about the staff as a whole and how we can work on being closer. this topic continued as we sat parked in rally van with a minuscule interruption of a mob mentality hiding, one person suggests it so others don't see us then the rest comply then as you lay on the floor you wonder why are you are. but any way after a good laugh we continued and decided that we could at least start with accountability with each other. real accountability too. where, out of love we approach the other person if they are acting, saying, etc. things that aren't glorifying to God. real accountability. i found myself being able to open up to these two girls very easily and trusting them.
this vulnerability continued into orientation weekend. saturday evening i had to tell my life story with all its glory and i did it. completely allowed myself to be vulnerable to these people (staff). i was scared to do so because for so long i was held and held myself to this reputation of "i'm a pastors kid, nothing bothers me, i don't struggle, i've got all the answers." that being vulnerable was the worst nightmare but it has been awesome just being me and not worrying about that stupid reputation. and the atmosphere here, just being able to be completely open and real with each other is awesome. i had several people thank me for being vulnerable and real, thats never happened to me before. Then getting to know everyone else on a deeper level was very cool (lame adjective) as well.
i have definitely been (being) stretched in my faith already:
"falling on my knees offering all of me Jesus your all this heart is living for." - can i really sing that?, don't shut up be bold and speak, worship means sacrifice, there is no plan b, don't be luke warm, where Jesus takes us that's where we need to go, "I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light."_John Keith Falconer
In my character:
patience, being me with no reputation, learning to live with different personalities, being open, etc.
even today as i went out around TJ checking the properties (where we will build) and getting acquainted with more cultural places i was being less timid about using my spanish (slowly) and just being me. Learning as much as possible or at least trying to and just be willing to learn as much as possible.
so now that this is kinda long, you received a glimpse of what's going on, on a more coffee shop level.
2 comments:
wow. I want to do this. It sounds so amazing.
I'm sitting here at camp trying to think of a speech for the last night at firebowl and I really want to use that one.
Thank you so much, even though you're so far away from me, I feel really close to you.
I love you.
thats sweet kd im so proud of you. it takes a lot to be able to just do that, even if you know that people will accept you.
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