alright lets be real

i never like to admit this but thats a whole other post to talk about how i love to be real but i still have things that i hate admitting. but anyway...my last post i talked about how i felt like i was too comfortable in this and God kinds shook that up and its true He did and thankfully i've been dealing with the struggles a lot better which is awesome and not my strength thats for darn sure. but even though i was shaken i don't feel like i personally moved. i might have been humbled on my knees for a little while but i definitely feel like i just stood back up. i don't mean i've lost any faith or anything like that i just think that i'm not growing. or maybe i am...i don't. i just feel like i'm not doing anything. Today i was asked what was God doing in my life and i couldn't think of anything! what's up with that? He's done everything in my life, I am because He has said...but still why can't i think of anything. i kinda feel like this isn't making any sense. i don't really know how to put it into words. its not necessarily empty as in i've lost all but maybe empty is an adjective you could use...i don't know. its not even that i'm sad or depresssed or anything like that, in the general sense. if you saw me in a normal day i dont' think you'd be able to tell but its annoying. there are specific times, like now, when my eyes are really open to it and it bugs me. i want to move forward. i want to be learning more and more about how to love others like Jesus and just how to glorify Him in everything i do, as well as actually doing those things but i feel as though i'm at a mute point...and i'm not okay with that. again i don't know if this makes sense but i said i was going to be real be like coffee shop sheet music.