Of course death will hurt

Oh how I wish I could have heard the first time Jesus said

Deny yourself...

Even in our individualistic "me" focused culture we can understand this to some point. It's good to help others. I remember in my elementary school on one of the walls was a poster that had the golden rule on it, "Do for others as you want them to do for you." Despite the fact that one could be cynical and see how that comes back around to the "me", our culture values service and otherness to some extent. This is probably because we weren't made for "me". But Jesus didn't stop there.

Pick up your cross, and follow me. 

The first time I read that I wasn't shocked. The cross is a pendant on necklaces. It is the decoration of many churches that on Easter they put a purple silky fabric draped on this arms. Alright, take up this cross... but clearly this is not what it meant to those listening. They would not understand why we have made the cross into a necklace. If we saw people walking around with electric chair pendants we would think them sadistic and this is probably how the disciples would see our crosses for to them the cross was a death sentence. And not just any death sentence but one that is of utter humiliation and it is was a death sentence for criminals.... 

If you want to follow me, don't fill up your life with stuff on this earth it won't last, you can't serve two masters do you want money or sex or people  or work to be your god? That is your choice but know...know you can't have me too. You can't ride the fence. Be white hot zealous for me or be cold against me. You must choose because I don't want part of your life. I want it all. Following me costs your life... Believe I AM who I say I AM. I will give you life to the fullest. I will reward those who earnestly seek me. I have plans to prosper you. I will continue to work in you so that one day you will be complete. I will give you joy. I will never leave you. But know this is your life. Know that the ways you are walking in now must die. You cannot make your friends your god. I am your God. You cannot hold security in money and work. I am your security. You cannot find happiness and joy in things. I am your Joy. You cannot find sanctification in sex. Only I can fully satisfy. Yes, these all have to die in order for you to find life... but know that the world hated me and if they hated me they will hate you also. They persecuted me and they will persecute you also. But don't be afraid of those that can only take your life...yes, don't be afraid of those that can kill you because all they can do is kill you but I have the power over body and soul. Don't be afraid I have overcome the world. I have all authority over all things. 

As I began to understand more of what Jesus was really saying here I used to read and think "of course, we have to deny yourself and pick up our cross." I thought of about the literal death that may ensue in following Christ and I wrestled through that but I came to a point where I was (for the most part) okay with that. And I knew that my old self had to die. But this is where I have been caught off guard, this dying hurts. Those people, practices, things, have become so ingrained in your life and to some extent they may not even be fully bad.. but they are not fully good, they are not best and therefore they must go. There must be death. Its a ripping, that is not just a word get a mental picture in your mind, think about  a viper whose teeth are ingrained in your skin and the ripping it off you... this is the ripping off that has to be done and then not only do you have to rip it out but you have to kill the snake in order that it not come back. Then there is the healing that has to come from the bites. For some reason I thought this wouldn't hurt. Of course death will hurt ... but in that hurt, we must remember He is who He says He IS.

Tweaking

I  have two friends who have blogs and I follow them religiously, probably because their updates come into my inbox but also because they inspire. Their writing takes you on adventures through peoples lives as you read short stories, their own or ones they have viewed from a distance. They reveal part of their heart yet still leave it vague enough that it could relate to you too. They both end with these brilliant, encouraging, thought provoking questions...I collapsed on my floor today have work in exhaustion of many kinds, my mind whirling with so many things. I wanted to write at least one of the trillion thoughts going through my mind. I wrote out a phrase then delete delete delete. Tried again. Nope. delete delete delete. I was like Tom Hanks from You've Got Mail trying to write that email to Meg Ryan. So here I am writing about how I wish I could write something inspiring and encouraging but instead I have a random post that doesn't even have the word tweaking.

do YOU love it that much?

First of all I will confess quite simply; I believe that the Bible alone is the answer to all our questions and that we need only to ask repeatedly and a little humbly in order to receive this answer. One cannot just read the Bible like other books, one must be prepared to really inquire of it only thus will it reveal itself. Only if we expect from it the ultimate answer shall we receive it. That is because in the Bible God speaks to us. And one cannot simply think about God in one's own strength. One has to inquire of Him. Only if we seek Him will He answer us. Of course it is also possible to read the Bible like any other book that is to say from the point of view of textual criticism, etc. there is nothing to be said against that. Only that that is not the method that will reveal to us the heart of the Bible but only the surface. Just as we do not grasp the words of someone we love by taking them to bits but by simply receiving them. So that for days they go about lingering in our minds simply because they are the words of a person we love. And just as these words reveal more and more of the person who said them as we go on, like Mary, pondering them in our heart so it will be with the words of the Bible. Only if we will venture into the words of the Bible as though this God were speaking to us, who loves us and does not will to leave us alone with our questions. Only so will we learn to rejoice in the Bible. If it is I who determines where God is to be found, then I shall always find a god who corresponds to me in someway, who is obliging, who is connected to my own nature. But if God determines where He is to be found then it will be a place that is not immediately pleasing to my nature and which is not at all congenial to me. This place is the cross of Christ and whoever would find Him must go to the foot of the cross at the sermon on the mount commands. This is not according to our nature at all. It is entirely contrary to it. But this is the message of the Bible. Not only New but also in the Old Testament. And I would like to tell you now, quite personally, since I have learned to read the Bible in this way, and this has not been for so very long, it becomes every day more wonderful to me. I read in the morning and the evening and often during the day as well. And every day I consider a text which I have chosen for the whole week and tried to sink deeply into it so as really to hear what it is saying. I know without this I could not live properly any longer.
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
[from Eric Metaxas' Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy]
I tried to transcript this from the audiobook so may be a little off.

Deny which?

Deny yourself daily and follow me.

How many times have you read this? How many times have you conversed about it? How many times have you pleaded that with God that this would be your daily walk with Him? But what happens when you are faced with a choice like the rich young ruler...

Jesus I want you and only you. You whisper those words again to Him in the still of the morning before the chaos of the day ensues. Only You please Jesus. The sun rises over the horizon of trees; the sky is painted with beautiful colors and you can't help but smile. You go about your daily routines, periodically reminded of your conversation with Jesus earlier that morning. You try you best for that to be true, for your life to be full of Jesus and only Him... but there's that one thing that has your attention more than Jesus and as much of your thoughts have gone to Him today they have gone twice as much to your thing. Your love and efforts have gone towards your thing. It is in the relaxation of the evening you hear, "Give up everything you have to follow me." You've thought about that before when you read the story of the rich young ruler and you thought to yourself Of course I would do that. Doesn't the rich young ruler realize what he is forfeiting?     So this time when you hear Him say "give up everything and follow me." again you say Of course Lord. a few more hours pass "You must hate those around you in comparison of your love for me." Genuinely you think over your relationships. I do love you. Then He says, "No you aren't getting it. You can't serve two masters." You aren't sure how to respond. But only you are... "All you are striving after will rust and be destroyed. I am the only one who will not fail you or disappoint you. Beloved, you have to choose. Do you truly want me or do you want your thing?" The confusion is wiped clear from your face as you finally understand what Jesus is saying. "You cannot have both. It is me or your thing. Who do you truly want?"

Will your response be like that of the rich young ruler - who couldn't let go of his thing? Or will you be like Zacchaeus who saw the worth of Jesus and gave all of his thing? Or the man who sold all he had to buy the field?

This is all easier said. You know that, I know that. But when you are literally faced with an ultimatum who will you choose?

I will tell you this. Jesus is worth it. He is worth losing whatever it may be. Yes there will be pain, withdrawals, humility, tears, fear... but He is worth it. I promise you.
 

HE IS

This whole semester I have been continuously struck by the truth of God being who He has said He is...

It started when my friend came back from a study abroad early this calendar year. She recounted one of the moments that is forever imprinted in her memory, "The dad's of our host families sat on and panel one evening and we were able to ask them questions. After a bit they asked us questions. Their first question, 'How come American Christians do not seem to truly live as they believe in God?' The students including myself just sat there trying to find answers until someone responded." What came next exactly in her story I don't remember but what she told me next has, "If we truly believed God is who He says He is, our lives would look so different."

Isaiah 57:15           For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy.

Matthew 28:20        I am with you always, to the end of the age. 

Isaiah 40:48            Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the 

                               earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

Jeremiah 10:10        But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God and the everlasting King. At his wrath the earth quakes, and 

                               the nations cannot endure his indignation.

Hebrews 1:2-3        but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom 

                               also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he 

                               upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of 

                               the Majesty on high

John 1:1-4               In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning 

                               with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was 

                               life, and the life was the light of men.

Psalms 54:4             Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.

Matthew 28:18        All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me.

Isaiah 43:10-11       Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no 

                                savior.

Psalm 47:7                For God is the King of all the earth

Exodus 15:3             The Lord is a Warrior, Yahweh is His name!

Colossians 1:16-17  For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or 

                                rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all 

                                things hold together.

Psalm 24:1-2          The earth is the LORD's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, for he has founded it 

                                upon the seas and established it upon the rivers.

Revelation 1:8          “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Psalm 46:1               God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Revelation 1: 17-18  When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, “Fear not, I am 

                                the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death 

                                and Hades.

Colossians 1:12-14  giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has 

                                delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we 

                                have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 

The Bible is full of so many truths as to who God is and obviously these are only a few but even with these few here, if I believe God is who He says He is how am I to act? Worrying? Fear? Arrogance? Control freak? etc. In light of who God truly is these seem foolish then why do I act these ways? A.W. Tozer explains it when he wrote, "What comes to into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." (Knowledge of the Holy) Do I truly believe that God is my strong hold? My actions will show this. Do I truly believe that He is Holy? Then I will approach Him with fear. Do I truly believe God has forgiven me completely? Then I would not live as though He hasn't. Do I truly believe He is my Father? Then I will cast my cares on Him and love Him deeply. Do I truly believe that all authority has been given to Him? Then I will obey. 

Again this truth was brought to the front of my mind as I sang songs today with fellow brothers and sisters, "You're all You said You are!" (Holy, Matt Redman)  Father I pray that my life will truly show that I believe You  are all You say You are.

You'll Come

Lately I have been extremely overwhelmed by the current state of the world. In one of my classes we were talking about the recent tragedy in Afghanistan with a U.S. army man killing off a whole village. As I read over the article again I cringed to think of all those innocent lives. Then we talked about the affect psychologically for the soldiers and again my heart sank. I recently watched a movie on trafficking that is occurring in eastern Europe, there were times when my stomach was churning others where I wanted to get up and punch some of the people in the movie and yet others where I couldn't open my eyes. A different movie I watched recently was on terrorism from a South Asian perspective and my heart broke. All of these have (at least) one thing in common, after and during each I was crying out to God. It's in all these events I saw the depravity of man and it brought me to my knees to pray and pray. To plead that Jesus would send out His laborers for the only way any of this is going to change is by the saving and loving power of Jesus Christ... and the only way all of this will be gone is when He returns but we know that all nations will be represented and therefore this perfection will not come until all nations know. So again I plead, Lord this world needs you desperately. People need you. Send out your laborers. Break down the fears and idols that they may have in their lives that are holding them back from sharing your love with all and for going to those who would hurt them if they proclaimed Your name because those people still need You. Send out Your church. And Jesus, I eagerly await Your Return.

Far too great

For the last several years I have been taking the different steps to prepare myself for the moment that at one point was six years off and is now just a short distance. Many of the different lessons I learned once a upon a time in a lovely city are returning. This next jump means I won't be a drive away from my family. I won't be able to visit and plan ridiculous straight drive road trips with my friends. I'll miss my nephews' soccer games. I may miss my friends getting married and having kids. I'll miss the Christmas traditions and my sisters and I being crazy when playing dancing games on the Wii...but as this list rolls on in the back of my mind Jesus comes to the forefront. He became nothing (Phil 2). He died so that I might have His righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21). He doesn't need me but He asked me to partner with Him and share His story and His love (Matt. 28:18-20; 2 Cor 5:14-20). So while that list above is precious to me and I have very dear and cherished moments from that list above... the cost of me not going is far too great. For He is worthy and they do not know His love.