Learning How to Die

This morning got up and went rollerblading. It has been years since I have rollerbladed but I just had this urge to do so this morning. As I was pushing my way through the cracks and rocks on the street I fell in love with the gospel again.

I was challenged from a podcast from a church in southern California about the big picture of the gospel not just the cross. The church is going through Titus and the pastor paused on the introduction for a bit. "Paul, a servant of God..." (1:1) In another one of Paul's letters he writes about how we are slaves. Slaves either to righteous and therefore life or to sin and therefore death. It's hard for us to accept this role as Christ followers because we don't think that we were truly slaves to sin before Christ. Growing up in the church sometimes its hard for me to look back and see exactly where I surrendered but over the years of telling my stories and thinking over it and God revealing more and more of Him within it I have a rough estimate and therefore I can see the plans and life that I was pursuing fail time and time again...slave to sin. But then surrender and I am now a slave to Christ for I am not my own but bought by another (1cor. 6:19-20). I was so lost, so engrossed in sin but then Jesus bought me with His death so now I'm good. I can live the way I choose and see Him in heaven...wrong. Now I am a slave to Christ. Then what does Paul say next, "and apostle..." (1:1). Apostle - one who is set apart. When Paul was on the road to damascus and Jesus came to him (acts 9), Paul's sin was shown and then Jesus set him apart. The pastor told this story of a man who went in for an audition. the man got a role in the movie but the man didn't like the role so he left. Is this not like us some times? We surrender our slavery to sin and are happy to become apart of the family of Christ and then we are given our role and we want to leave just like the man at the audition. But remember what Jesus said to Ananias, "the Lord said to him, 'Go, for he[Paul] is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.'" (acts 9:15-16) Paul's role: go to the gentiles - sweet, much suffering - "um no thanks" .... accept Paul didn't respond that way he was given his role knew the price that was paid for him and said, I will go.

Have you ever asked, "What is my purpose in life? If I weren't here would it matter?" I'm not trying to be sadistic or emo just asking the questions. Reality: right now God has given me a role and a purpose. I am the best youngest daughter my parents could have. The best student, the best...etc. arrogant much? No, because Christ has put me there in each one of those places specifically. If there was a better daughter that my parents could have had God would have given them her. Or a better student to take my place at the university He would have put them there. How crazy is that? God specifically choose me for each of those roles! The roles you've been given, same thing God choose you! I've always been one to look to the future. At times I justified it so much that there wasn't a second thought. And of course the culture I live in it helped me along as well. Constantly looking to the next thing the next thing I so often miss the role God has placed me in right now. I need to be living gospel moments every day within all the roles I have been given right now. As my brother James said my life is a vapor (James 4:13-14). This doesn't mean I'm going to be lazy and as some say "let go and let God" because following Christ and waiting upon the Lord is not a passive thing but I need to stop trying to fulfill my "casting roles" and live in the ones I have been given and pursue Christ to find the rest He has for me. choice: hot or cold, slave to life or death, follow or not.