White Flag

Tuesday was the first full day back. I answered the famous question, "How does it feel being back?" with a simple, "it feels weird, like it's a break and I will be returning." It wasn't until yesterday that it hit hard, I'm not going back, this is no break...I am here for the duration. As I grappled with this hard reality there were multiple thoughts going through my mind. "I know this is the next step but..." "I don't understand" "I have two families and one is in another country." "I don't understand, why is this so hard?" "I miss them." "Your plans are the best." Thankfully He never let's my mind stray so far that I forget His plans are the best and that He is in control. But "I am here for the duration" reminds me of something one of the speakers says at Caravan. he was speaking of his father being in the military and that his draft card said: For the duration. Until the job is done. At Caravan I was reminded daily of my commitment that I made, "I will go, I am committed for the duration." The job of all the nations knowing of how great our God is, is not completely therefore despite change in location the job is not done therefore I am still enlisted in fact my "draft card" should say, for eternity. I am His, completely. I say this all the time but it's because I need to remember it and being a human I forget, when I gave my life to Christ that meant I gave my life to Christ. No longer about me but solely about what God is about and his plans. And right now His plans are for me to be here. To use the same scripture from last week Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28 Ps. 37:23-24 His plans are for prospering not harming. I just finished reading "Jesus Creed" by Scot McKnight for school and he puts it perfectly, "This disciple is living a life of surrender. Sometimes it hurts, but disciples will tell you right away that surrendering to Jesus is a good kind of hurt." I'm surrendering and right now it's hard, my flesh is crying out wanting my way but never will it have it's way for I am not a slave to it. Jesus never once said it would be easy but He is worthy of all therefore, I surrender all. May my words and my actions begin reflect and back each other up, always.

Here's the simple white-flag prayer a disciple carries each day: "May your will be done."
_Jesus Creed, Scot McKnight