Hard but Good

God changed my heart in a matter of a moment. Instantly my life plans were changed around what does this mean about school now I can’t just major in missions unless I’m going to new tribes which I didn’t see. Truly God just changed my heart so quickly. I quickly learned that not only was this something that is commanded of us but I better not be going because I feel bad for the people, because I want to help them because those aren’t going to keep me out on the field. Going out for any other reason other than for His Name Sake will not keep me out on the field through culture shock. And he is the only one who can keep me out there, like the story brad told this morning about the guy who just couldn’t take it and left and faith & trust in Christ will keep me there. For His name Sake, that the nations will know Him. God taught me these things so quickly and I embraced them trying to run as hard as I can after what His plans are because that’s where I want my plans to be. And that’s how it’s been this past year being here. Being presented with hard things but accepting them and running hard. But this morning it hit hard. There was one point where Brad said what I want and what God wants those path rarely cross but still God’s will above all. And I’m going to be real honest with you all right now. I’m leaving in a couple of days and I do not want to go home. I’ve been here at Caravan for about 15 months. This is my home. The staff are my family. I say that still ever loving my blood family. But these people know me the best. They’ve seen all sides of me, all the growth, everything. They’ve been the ones I run to when I’m excited when somethings funny, when tears are falling, and on and on. They are my family and I do not want to leave them. I don’t. But when brad spoke this morning and said what I want and what God wants, those paths rarely cross…I remembered, what I want does not matter. Because the instant I gave my life to Christ – I gave my life to Christ. No longer my plans, my dreams, or my wants, but solely what God wants and what He is about. I know that my time here is done and that it is time to jump into a new season and that scares me because of all the unknown but I have confidence for only one reason: Jer. 29:11, Rom. 8:28 Ps. 37:23-24 God’s plans are the best. They are not to harm me and He will not give me anything I can’t handle, He is my stronghold. Does this mean it will be easy to leave my family? No. It’s never going to be easy but He didn’t promise that it would but He did promise that He would be with us and keep us. Matthew 28: 18- 20 I am with you always, to the end of the age. Though I am not going to a different nation when I leave here I will be going back in preparation for that and will be living a life worthy of the gospel because obedience doesn’t start when I’m in a different country it started when I gave my life to Christ and I have confidence because He is with me.