(literally) a thought from (a) coffee shop

why is it that any time I want get anything done my mind reels at which point all I can focus on is music and all I want to do is write music yet there are too many thoughts to find the ones that would be suitable for paper.

i could never be a monk

I've learned over the past couple of days, I could never be a monk*. For me there is the obvious, I love music. So to be in constant solitude would be difficult. But honestly it isn't because of the music. It is because of people. Monks take pleasure in the little things and it is good to stop and smell the roses but what about smelling people. ha I know that is a weird and probably unpleasant thought for some of you but let me explain. I see beauty in people just as someone may stop and smell the rose and see the beauty in that. It is ever so evident to me when I am with people that God created this world and that sin has stained it. So wouldn't that mean it would be depressing to be around people because of sin? Wouldn't it be better to just be with the roses? Okay, first let me remind you roses have thorns and unless in Eden the thorns were all soft and didn't cut you when you touched them I'm thinkin' they are probably a part of the whole sin thing as well but back to people... I see redemption in people. I see the love of Jesus breaking down the hardest of hearts. I can see the reality that we are image bearers... When I by myself it is so easy to get lost in lies but when I am with people who have already recognized this life is not their own, I am thrusted towards truth. When I am by myself I get lost in me but when I am with other people I am reminded, I am alive for so much more than a measly life of "me"... the places that seem the darkest to people I see God shining the brightest. It's in those places where there is a small group of people who say "this life is not my own" amongst many people who have no idea what to think about life... that is when life makes sense to me. But alone...don't let me go there.

*I've never really studied monks so I may just be hitting all kinds of stereotypes but from what I do know, which may in fact be all wrong, I could never be a monk

Flashes and a flood

Stony dirt roads filled with push carts, taxis, children playing and men sitting in shops conversing. A class full of girls eagerly awaiting teaching on facebook. Homes filled with beautiful women laughing and drinking tea. Unbelievable heat.

Speed bumps that drivers swerve around. Stony dirt roads filled with soccer and open markets. A small home with notes cards taped onto everything so the mother can communicate with her deaf son. Homes filled with beautiful faces of young and old, men and women laughing and drinking tang. The sun beating down on the brim of hats.

What now? Why such lingering passion and connection? They are so similar yet so different. I began carving my path only to stand now in flooded waters wondering where will you lead.

I was driving today just praying with the radio as background noise when these lyrics caught my attention, "And everything comes alive in my life as we lift You higher." I don't know where to step next but still I will sing His praises and say "Blessed be Your Name"

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. [Matthew 6:25-33 ESV]

Sun faded bracelets

You wouldn't think taking off bracelets would be such a big deal but when they hold all that they do...it makes it awfully difficult. I've been wearing them, except one, for at least two years and now I have to part with them? In an odd way I feel like I'm cutting off ties as well having to end the replay of memories. I know that is ridiculous but nonetheless that is how I feel. I had already cut one off last november. It was one I found around the dorms. The colors had faded and plus I needed to make room for the newest. This one represents a new phase - a new friend and a new "let's do this." Another fell off, thankfully, into my hands, it was given to me by a mexican family. on the same wrist as those was a blue and brown or rather now a blue and gray bracelet. It was given to me from my canadian sister who was on staff with me the first summer and fall. It was hard to cut it off.

The other wrist holds a once bright blue bracelet that was given to me the follow spring by the lovely ladies who sold them every week in front of the dorms. A blue and orange, the only one I bought in my time there. And lastly an odd ball brazilian bracelet given to me by mentor, sister, friend, mom, and boss. The once blue.. is now gone.

Yes I know slightly dramatic to write a blog about bracelets but really its not. I know the brief description of where they came from, possibly/most likely means nothing to you but each one has so many memories engraved. The memories are still there, yes but I think one of the reasons I am fighting this is it means I'm getting farther and farther removed from a community and a year I've never experienced before. Those who make up the community are spread across the states and into other countries so I cling to memories at times to remember it all.

Okay, so maybe this is still too dramatic, whatever. I miss it. It is what it is.

I know there is rest and comfort in Christ and that is why I am clinging to Him.

2 weeks ago, in 2 weeks, and a month

There are a lot of changes that (have and) will happen within the next month or so....o boy...may this be a great time of perseverance and drawing nearer to Christ.

CONFUSED

I'm confused Church, I'm confused. I've had conversation after conversation with my brothers and sisters hearing of the tension in their life. They tell me of this that their roommate did and this that their friend did and that that their nuclear family member did....what? I don't get it Church. Tell me when did it change that it was okay to let the sun go down on your anger? When did it change that was it okay to let your neighbor go unloved? When did it change that it was okay to disrespect your parents? When did it change that was it okay to gossip and slander? Church what is going on? Conflict was never meant to fester. Deal with it right away! I don't care if its awkward and uncomfortable. We love our comfort so much we won't even step outside our comfort zone to heal to reconcile. Oh Lord, forgive us. Shall we blame it on facebook for our lack of understanding communication? Texting? Blogs? I don't care how the world has changed and become, we have absolute truth. It is unwavering and we... yes I am including myself in this, we need to hold fast to it. You may be reading this and saying "I know. I know." But do you? Do you really know? I'm not speaking of knowing that comes from ears that have heard it so many times that it is dead or from a head that intellectually says I understand. I'm talking of knowing that rings so loudly everything moves as a result. Those around you see it. We are to be DIFFERENT. We are to be servants of others. Not pointing out the splinters in others' eyes. Stop accusing. Forgive. Reconcile.... I am in pain because of this. How do we so quickly forget what Jesus has done for us. Do you remember who you really were? Do you know who He is really is? He became sin, He became all your CRAP...everything...He who was and is spotless became your crap and now you are telling me (by your actions and possibly literally by your words) that you will not forgive others? You who are depraved? This makes perfect sense if you are not like me who was full of every defilement...if you aren't then goodness! Continue on...

I too have fallen to this folly but by the grace of God I recognize this and there is no way I am going to let the devil have this. I am here to spread His kingdom. I am apart of the Church which is the bride of Christ and there is no way I will continue on knowingly bashing, slandering, holding grudges, etc. against my brothers and sisters who are also the bride. Oh Church...look at yourself. Then look at the Bible in comparison, does your life make sense? What about to Jesus' life? Or does your life look more like the world around us?

Lord, forgive us.

Major Drama

I went to the chiropractor yesterday and as he was explaining the different points in my back that needed adjustment he said this, "Our body is cool in the way it was made. It reacts to the major drama. So with your back it is these two areas but when we readjust we my find other areas that all of a sudden flare up. However they were probably there the entire time it is just that you were focused on the major drama but once you fix the major drama you find the underlying issues." After already having asked me what I was studying and what I wanted to do, he knew I was going to be working with people to which he smiled as said, "Hey that works with people too. You need to address those main drama areas before you can get to the underlying issues."

There's a song by Tim Hughes titled "God of Justice" that I always think of with justice issues. And one line in that song will forever be stuck in my head, "keep us from just singing and move us into action, we must go." Why? Not because of a fad, but because God is a God of Justice. to quote Dr. Cornell West from the Call + Response Movie, "Love is what justice looks like in public." So then I say..."Love your neighbor!"