Learning How to Die

This morning got up and went rollerblading. It has been years since I have rollerbladed but I just had this urge to do so this morning. As I was pushing my way through the cracks and rocks on the street I fell in love with the gospel again.

I was challenged from a podcast from a church in southern California about the big picture of the gospel not just the cross. The church is going through Titus and the pastor paused on the introduction for a bit. "Paul, a servant of God..." (1:1) In another one of Paul's letters he writes about how we are slaves. Slaves either to righteous and therefore life or to sin and therefore death. It's hard for us to accept this role as Christ followers because we don't think that we were truly slaves to sin before Christ. Growing up in the church sometimes its hard for me to look back and see exactly where I surrendered but over the years of telling my stories and thinking over it and God revealing more and more of Him within it I have a rough estimate and therefore I can see the plans and life that I was pursuing fail time and time again...slave to sin. But then surrender and I am now a slave to Christ for I am not my own but bought by another (1cor. 6:19-20). I was so lost, so engrossed in sin but then Jesus bought me with His death so now I'm good. I can live the way I choose and see Him in heaven...wrong. Now I am a slave to Christ. Then what does Paul say next, "and apostle..." (1:1). Apostle - one who is set apart. When Paul was on the road to damascus and Jesus came to him (acts 9), Paul's sin was shown and then Jesus set him apart. The pastor told this story of a man who went in for an audition. the man got a role in the movie but the man didn't like the role so he left. Is this not like us some times? We surrender our slavery to sin and are happy to become apart of the family of Christ and then we are given our role and we want to leave just like the man at the audition. But remember what Jesus said to Ananias, "the Lord said to him, 'Go, for he[Paul] is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.'" (acts 9:15-16) Paul's role: go to the gentiles - sweet, much suffering - "um no thanks" .... accept Paul didn't respond that way he was given his role knew the price that was paid for him and said, I will go.

Have you ever asked, "What is my purpose in life? If I weren't here would it matter?" I'm not trying to be sadistic or emo just asking the questions. Reality: right now God has given me a role and a purpose. I am the best youngest daughter my parents could have. The best student, the best...etc. arrogant much? No, because Christ has put me there in each one of those places specifically. If there was a better daughter that my parents could have had God would have given them her. Or a better student to take my place at the university He would have put them there. How crazy is that? God specifically choose me for each of those roles! The roles you've been given, same thing God choose you! I've always been one to look to the future. At times I justified it so much that there wasn't a second thought. And of course the culture I live in it helped me along as well. Constantly looking to the next thing the next thing I so often miss the role God has placed me in right now. I need to be living gospel moments every day within all the roles I have been given right now. As my brother James said my life is a vapor (James 4:13-14). This doesn't mean I'm going to be lazy and as some say "let go and let God" because following Christ and waiting upon the Lord is not a passive thing but I need to stop trying to fulfill my "casting roles" and live in the ones I have been given and pursue Christ to find the rest He has for me. choice: hot or cold, slave to life or death, follow or not.

God answers prayers

How do you respond once God begins to break your heart for all the things that break His? I just finished watching Hotel Rwanda for the first time. I was conflicted with emotion. My heart breaking again and again, tears streaming down my face, and hatred towards sin welling up. How can people commit genocide? How can people kill at all? As I was watching the atrocities that were in that moment contained by a screen but knowing full well it is life, I was reminded of hope. God is the only one who can truly save, who can fully end this pain. I've said this before and friends have said its crass but its truth, "If we save them from AIDS, malaria, being an orphan, etc. but don't share with them Jesus, the gospel, we are saving them for hell." Ya, it's harsh but its reality! Hell is real and God is the only one who truly save. From all of this world and all that is not. The enemy has dominion right now but...in the movie at one point they spoke of how no one was coming to help, they were cowards, no more. no more. I will go. I will go wherever you lead me. I will go to the darkest places to bring the only hope. Ya, I'm scared but its not about me. This my friends is the biggest justice I can bring to people, real hope - Jesus. this is how I respond. full fledge sprint towards Christ and everything He is about. oh, Father use me and may I be attentive and obedient.

Challenging Questions

What if we take away the cool music and the cushioned chairs? What if the screens are gone and the stage is no longer decorated? What if the air conditioning is off and the comforts are removed? Would His Word still be enough for His people to come together?
excerpt from Radical by David Platt

dirty & burning trash vs. lysol & frebeze

My friend came back from India, I just finished reading about Afghanistan, and I miss Mexico. I really want to be out there, anywhere. I know God has some crazy plan for me I know it. Jesus pull me in draw me close so that I fall more in love with you so that my desires to be overseas arise at Your timing so that until then I can be all here where you have me. the best place for me right now because You have me here. Oh Father pull me in.

Fast Forward Button on Thoughts = snippets

the strikes come through breaches not the front door. freedom not slavery. prayer not whimpy but grand, believing and waiting in expectation. strength will arise as we wait upon the Lord. on fire in love. the comprehenders too far away, porque. patience for the ones everyone loves to love. rid me of myself. use this broken vessel. radical. crazy. extreme. think on these things - Phil 4. arms high and heart abandoned. refine.

I want only

I have a hard time sitting and watching any type of movie or tv now. (For many reasons but...) the questioned was proposed to me once in the form of a story:
Some family members were at a theater watching a play when at intermission the dad leaned over to his mother in-law and asked, "What do you think of the show?"
she replied,"Oh I don't want to be here."
shocked he asked, "why?"
"I don't want to be here if Jesus were to come back."

...some people may say that "that is an extreme." but that's when I say really is it? Are we not always suppose to be living in light of eternity? Jesus is coming back and no one knows the time only the Father therefore should we not always be living as though He were coming? So if this is the extreme then, I want to be extreme. I'm done being bored and choosing something that has no eternal consequences. Why not spend that time on my face praying, reaching out to the untouchables, to the ones that hide behind "perfect"....I want only Christ and to be about the things He is about. Oh I speak these words and Father help me to put them to action because this is truly the cry of my heart.

Scales and Warm Water

How does one convey the brokenness to a world that seems to have their eyes shut and to those who are warm? Jesus give me your love, frankness, steadfastness, and timing.