End is near.

The end is near and each day is getting harder and harder.

Summer and Myself

This week comes July, I can't believe that we are already a month into the summer making us almost to the middle of the summer...Last summer seemed to have gone slower verse the starlight speed its going this year.

We have 13 staff members with a potential 14th coming in late due to family priorities. There are 6 girls and 7 guys. 5 are from California; 2 from Edmonton, AB, Canada; 2 from Indiana; 1 Nebraska; 1 Washington; 1 Kentucky; and then me. Ages range from 18-23 and quite the different personalities.

(above picture: missing Andy and Andrew)

A couple days after different staff came in friendships immediately started to bloom. I love how god does that. He brings together a group of people from all over with different personalities, gifts, strengths, weaknesses, purpose for being here, and truly brings us together. There are definitely times when we all want our own space but I see such a potential in this staff. If we continue to seek after God and put each other first then I know that God will do amazing things through us this summer.

more pictures to come later. I have to wait for people to load them onto the computer first.

More then just saying "yes"

The other day I was checking my emails and messages when I came across pictures of one of my closest friend's graduation pictures. One specific picture had three of my other good friends with her at her graduation, celebrating in this great joyous day, but I wasn't there. Then I got an email from my sister; my brother in-law is getting baptized. He's been a believer for a few years now but has never been baptized another huge day but I can't be there. With looking at those I was struck, this is going to be my life. I'm not going to be home for Christmas, birthdays, or other Holidays, watch my nephews get older, see friends get married or have kids...and I'll be honest I almost started to cry. I want to be there for those events, support those I love, be there for them. I want to be there but this is when I have to step back and see the whole picture. When Jesus died He didn't die just for me. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." It never said, "For God so loved Kendra that he gave his one and only Son, that if she believes in him she shall have eternal life." No. He died for the World. Then in that moment of staring at those pictures there was a glimpse oh so small of me thinking, "Could I stay home?" But God shut that down right away bringing to mind Jesus Christ's last commands:

Matthew 28:18-20 "Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Mark 16:15 "He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."

Luke 24:45-47 "Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. He told them, 'This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem."

Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."


But then this verse came into my mind as well, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." You are not your own...As soon as I gave my life to Christ that meant, I gave my life to Him. I am not my own. I no longer have the right to live out what I want for this life is not my own. I need to be about God and his wants, His plans and His are about redeeming His people back. But I grew up in the church, I heard "this life is not my own" all the time but I had to take it back to its original meaning not what we've made it to be, have whatever you want then Christ can have your life. Pursue your dreams then let Christ have your life. No the original meaning that the apostles but who I specifically wan to bring up, Paul understood. In His letters he starts them off with, "Paul a servant of Christ Jesus." Servant - not your own, belonging to another. In those same moments of staring at those pictures more was brought to my mind not only that following Christ costs my dreams, my career, my ideal family situation (living next to them all), but literally my life. I for whatever reason separate giving up my dreams, wants etc. life and physically my life. But they are the same giving up my life means both of those. I still remember last August when I had this first revelation - when I say "I will go, Lord send me." that death is (most likely) involved. But if this life is not mine then why should it matter? In Acts 21 Paul's friends are saying don't go to Jerusalem because of persecution there but Paul got that this life was not about him with his response in verse 13, "Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus."

This life has to be about His dreams passions and desires not about me. He died for the World. There's an old Arabic proverb that says, "The greatest crime in the desert is finding water and not telling anyone." I have the water, I have to tell those who don't know. I was given commands...I have to obey. Is it going to be easy all the time? No it will probably be a hard journey most of the time but HE is worth it. Will/do I miss seeing my nephews grow up, being at my families birthdays and other family get togethers, seeing my friends graduate, seeing them get married, and other things? Yes but what is more important me or God? And I can also praise Him because I know we (family, some of my friends, and I) will live in eternity with Christ. So why not live for eternal things now? Why not live for Him who sent His son for me? I have no excuse. I will go Lord, send me.


If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him.
_C.T. Studd

Trust...oh man.

She walked into the office with a task to complete. The day was going by well. She and her co-workers had plenty of things to keep them busy, and thankfully it wasn't just busy-work,which allowed the day to go by fast. She handed off the message then was reminded to check finances; something she had intended to do for the past couple of weeks but kept forgetting. Awaiting the file to open she thought of the end of the year where she would set aside whatever was left for a trip down to Mexico in November with friends. The file opened and the screen blurred except five red symbols. Instantly all previous thoughts vanished. Her mind went into panic mode. Not only does she not have money but she is in debt. How could this be? she asked herself over and over. Question upon question blurred through her head as she walked out of the office fighting back tears of frustration and unbelief. She went into a room in the back away from others pacing, but only for a short time because she knew that she needed to get back to work. As she returned to work the thoughts were to overwhelming. What am I going to do? She walked over and waited while her boss ended a phone conversation then explained. He smiled then said, "Don't worry about it where God guides He will provide. Trust Him."


Ironic how one can speak to others of Trust in God and they too say it of their lives which may be true but when a test comes our way we buckle.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God ; trust also in me."
Jesus to His disciples (John 14:1)

Who Do I Think I am?

This past week I was talking with a friend. We were sitting in the main room downstairs in the dorms with approximately eighty people around whether upstairs in the main room we were or shuffling in between. He asked me, "What's something that has been a struggle for you?"

I began to explain, "Hanging out with the different groups that come down is probably one of the hardest things for me because I'm not a game playing, small talk person. I'd rather sit down discuss; what's going on in your life? what's God doing? how are you? etc. I want to create a relationship with someone then play games because then I know the relationship we have is based off of more then frivolous things."

All the while one of our mutual friends was sitting across the room playing a game of Egyptian Rat Screw (a card game) with the some of the group. He responded in love, "But when she(referring to our friend playing the game) sits down to play a game she is saying 'You matter to me. I'm taking time and investing it in you.' She's building a relationship with them as they play the game. Not everyone is like you and is able to dive into discussion and open up that way. We have to be all things to all people."

I didn't really know how to respond. It wasn't that I felt "burned" by what he said but that he was right. Who do I think I am? That I am able to say this is the way I am so if people have to do it my way because I'm not stepping out? I immediately thought of how one day I will be, Lord willing, sharing the gospel with Muslims in their culture - being all things to them. But who do I think I am that I can do that there but I can't even do it here with people of my culture?

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
_1 Corinthians 9:19-23
(italics, bolding mine)

It's not just about when I get there someday, yes be thinking about it but be living it out now. I wrote about this quote from another friend a little while ago, "I have Salvation and I know if should affect my everyday life. But what does that look like?" One way is to live all things to all people every day; now and then also when I get to wherever the Lord leads.

Seasons

It was getting close to the week where I'd have to part with a close friend and I was told that life is full of many seasons and that this was one. I recognize that life is indeed full of season even nature reminds me of this as I walk outside, of course they are a bit more obvious when I live in Michigan. Throughout my life I have had several friends and throughout the years I have a couple close friends. In elementary school into middle school and junior high there were a couple but we grew out of picking our noses and playing with blocks...we started to become who we are. There were friends that were lost due to crushes and us thinking that whoever that "week's" was was more important. There were some lost because sports became more important or school. Then in high school friendship seemed to be deeper and I hoped that the day would never come to prove everyone true, "you don't stay friends with your friends from high school." Then there is the cliche of "distance makes the heart grow fonder" ...Now there have been many friendships that went through a lot throughout the years and have stuck through the drama, the relationships, and the distance. But I was just reminded of these seasons again this past week as I became friends with one of the groupos who came with her church then once again at the end of the week to say goodbye. When I came back for my second "semester" here I found myself not wanting to open up at all because I wondered if I could do it all over again...become so close or even close with people only to say goodbye. I wondered, when this season of goodbyes, as cliche as that may sound, would end? But then i realized that I can't live that way. Enclosed. Never to be real with people. While seasons are always changing and I don't think this season will ever end but to be transparent with people show them who you truly are...always in hopes that they would see you...you being a sinner saved by grace. And in hopes that they if they aren't already your brother or sister that through that friendship and transparency that they might and then we no longer have to say goodbye but hasta luego, see you later. Now this still as, so true as it is...does not make this season easy, easier yes but facil no. posible un dia...

God is moving!

brief sentences of excitement:

a friend of mine who is not a believer, is noticing a difference, I hope they realize it is Christ.

I've been praying and praying for a friend and I'm seeing fruit. In His time, in HIS time.

I thought I had a plan, as I always do and He thwarted it like He (always) does. Praise God for shaking my plans.

a person whose personality does not match mine and was a struggle for me, we are now friends.

worries of future, in His hands.

Praise the Lord for your all-knowingness,
For the grace and love I cannot fathom.
Praise the Lord for everyday

Praise the Lord for everyday and all He is doing