Beautiful Teachers

When people come back from short term trips I always smile when I hear then talk of how they were going to be the ones to impact those the were going to but instead they were changed.

I was talking with a good friend last night and realized this is how I came into this position that I have been given this year. I came in thinking I was going to be the superhero, the one to be such a huge impact...only now I look back and my stature shrinks, I'm the student. I'm the one learning from all the beautiful women in my life. There are times when I love that fact that I'm stubborn but its in moments like this I wish I wasn't so thick headed so that I could learn faster. Maybe come out on the other side with less gashes, black eyes, and stitches but then even as I type that I remember that Jesus uses those. I see that now. I see the moments of brokenness that are sweet because they have brought me to my knees and to just be with my precious Jesus. But as I talked with my friend last night many of the other beautiful women in my life came to mind. Those women who have been such a help, encouragement, and ones to give the tough love but also the women I write on facebook in scattered days to say "I miss you" "We haven't talked in awhile" "How are you?" .... I don't know maybe it is in all the chaos and brokenness that I see that this year has been hell and that I haven't stepped up in the so many opportunities. I see God has used that, I do. Like last night a cool almost spring evening walking around the pond and hearing my friend's heart as she shared about her recent week in Chicago - the brokenness but the beauty that couldn't help but shine through, here is where Jesus reminded me, as not even a day into things (returning from spring break) I felt overwhelmed, Jesus reminded me: remember the fire I gave you? remember why you are who you are? do you remember I live in you? do you remember why you live?

There is a mess of thoughts in my head. I know I end my entries looking towards Jesus, usually I do that for myself, to truly remind myself look to Jesus He is the one who will get me through, not because I'm a picture perfect and therefore I end in Jesus as if to polish it off with some bumper sticker happy phrase but I do this in full brokenness realizing more and more my own depravity and that I am nothing without Christ. I look to Him at the end because I can't look any where else. This Jesus I speak of its not some cute little phrase on Christian paraphernalia, He is not something I slap one the end to look good, He is THE Son of God, He is THE Savior, He is THE Creator, He IS love, He defeated death, He is everything. I look to Him at the end to remember all that and my own depravity. I can't ever fully explain my own depravity, in fact I'm still learning of it, but despite it all that He forgives me, accepts me where I am and is continuing to work in me to make me more like Him...and that is an amazing something I forget to much that is why I end looking towards Jesus.

If you just read any of that and skimmed over it because phrases sounded familiar. stop. go back and reread. I'm not saying this for my own benefit but so that the reality of who Jesus is and what He has done/is doing will sink in a bit more. It's for His glory not mine.