Enough

The sun rises for a new morning. She rises for yet another Sunday morning and all that it holds. The weekly routine sets in; get ready, breakfast, church. She walks in and sits into the back as the pastor adresses the congregation greeting them. He prays opening the service. She stares at the floor and acknowledges the shuffling feet of the praise band walking up to their instruments. He ends the prayer and the songs begin. They begin with a classic praise song one she has sang a million times, and continues to sing without a second thought. During the message her thoughts are just as scattered. She flips through her Bible looking at different passages searching from something but unable to find it. The messages ends, it is communion Sunday. The pastor prays and a song begins as the elders pass out the pieces of bread. A voice in her head whispers, "How free are you? Kneel and praise Me."

She is reminded of something someone said to her once, "We have perfect freedom in Christ and here in the United States we are not confronted with persecution yet on Sunday morning when you hear kneel and praise Me, lift your hands high and exalt My name...we are paralyzed. What will the person behind me think or will the guy standing next to me give me a weird look? How free are you?"

The song ends and the pastor read from Matthew 26, "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." She ate. The next song began for the juice to be past and again, "How free are you? Kneel and praise Me. " She sat down on her chair thinking surely this would be enough. "Are you not free? Some who praise Me will and have been persecuted for this and you only sit because you are worried of someone's opinion? Are you not free?" She fell to the floor ashamed. The pastor finished reading out of Matthew 26. The praise band led the congregation into another song. Another song she had sang several times before but this time it came alive because she was broken and humbled.

crazy?

I was talking to my friend, she was asking me how things are going. I began to reply with some of the different things I'm thinking through, "schools-which is the best choice, where to go on the field, how to make the best choices to get there, to be faithful here and now (tomorrow is no guarantee), etc." Then I began to explain how God is working in me, "insane when you actually are yearning for Him to change you, you're broken, and open to Him molding you what He'll do. And then to keep your eyes open to see those things. Every day, by the time it is coming to an end, I am more and more in awe and in love with God. something that has been one of those things, is forgiveness. God gave me another glimpse of it last week and I was/am blown away." then I was intending to end with "it's crazy" ... but I couldn't do it because these thoughts ran through my mind:

I started to say it's crazy...but it's not because why should we be shocked by the fact that God fulfills His promises, is Faithful, etc. when He said/says He will be? because if we believe the Bible and all it says then when He says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" why are we shocked when He's always there? Or that He is a provider, protector, faithful, powerful, worthy and then when we see those characteristics why are we surprised? so it's not crazy, it's God. Glory to God!

άφεση συγχώρεση

I remember in small group when some one will ask, "favorite attributes of God? or ones that mean the most to you right now." I would spout out answers trying to think of all the different ones but saying them with knowledge not heart. But last night one attribute dawned on me. συγχώρεση -forgiveness

Last night my mind got another glimpse of its meaning. How did Jesus bare all my sins that day on the cross and still in knowing them chooses to love me? to use me? Dictionary.com defines forgive as:

1.	to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

...........-absolve: to set free or release, as from some duty, obligation, or responsibility

2.	to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

..........-remit: to refrain from inflicting or enforcing, as a punishment, sentence, etc.

To set free:
Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.-Galatians 4:7 (NAS)

He sets me free from the bondage of sin and then calls me a son (daughter)? ... I am undeserving with all my sin but Jesus made an end of all my sin(Before the Throne Above) then beyond that gives me rights to be His heir...His daughter. And then why is it so often I give power to evil. I sit in unnecessary bondage. I am not a slave. I need to embrace His forgiveness and forget. move on for sin has lost it's power (Marvelous Light)

Forgive and Forget:
I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins. -Isaiah 43:25
...for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more. - Jeremiah 31:34
For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more. - Hebrews 8:12

That's another thing if I am not bound to sin why dwell? God has forgiven and forgotten. God (love) keeps no record of wrongs. [1 Cor. 13:5]


Now that I think about what I just wrote I don't know if it makes sense all together but...basically I got another glimpse and still I am baffled and I can't fathom it but I am immensely thankful. And in thinking about all of this it just makes even more sense (if I ever needed more then a command) that I go.


Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
_In Christ Alone

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more from torreon later

I just got a new study Bible and I'm suuuuper excited. It's crazy...I've never been so excited to research and read anything before! It's dumb that it has taken me 18 years to get here when you think about the fact that it's the history of me (humans), the guidelines of how to live life, God's will for my life, answers to anything pertaining to life...a little ridiculous that I'm just now super excited but all the more reason to dive in more now. So as i am reading through write now there was this little excerpt that i thought I'd share:

Satan's Plan Against Us
Doubt...................... Makes you question God’s Word and His goodness

Discouragement.... Makes you look at your problems rather than at God

Diversion................ Makes the wrong things seem attractive so that you will want

.................,,,..............them more than the right things

Defeat..................... Makes you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try

Delay...................... Makes you put off doing something so that it never gets

..................................done

Satan isn't original he uses the same old tricks each time.

Torreon Journal

Day Two -- August 23
on the bus ride to torreon. its already been half a day and night.

Woke up (6:00ish) to green. Its funny how a night could be one of the worst due to not sleeping all the way or waking up with a kink in your neck but then you look outside and see God's creation and creativity. Each time i marvel at his imagination, to think of all the different terrains and make them different in their own way. the plains are covered with the same hue of green but there are trees, scruffy bushes, cacti, red rocky dirt that's only visible up close though the sea of green. its not completely flat either, the plains roll here and there then as we follow the black asphalt to the horizon there sculpted tall in several layers, mountains. at times the road interrupts the art work but mainly it curves with the hills and mountains. I wonder how some people get numb to such beauty? it doesn't feel real the stretch as far as the eye can see in every direction around me. I swear its a drawing or movie, we're the lone vechile driving towards the mountains, the road narrowing at the end or at least that's what you see when really we won't run out of road nor will we run into the mountains. As i look off to the right the texture of the grass has changed it looks soft maybe almost fuzzy like someone took a picture of it added the soft beautified setting from photoshop then pasted the grass back into its original place.
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We're in day two with 3 1/2 hrs left on the bus. toady after waking up around 6 i finished reading on of the articles for perspectives hopefully i'll finish at least lesson one work by the end of this trip and then i can work on 2 before next thursday back at the dorm. after that and falling asleep here and there we watched miss congeniality 2 in english (yess) with spanish subtitles. in the middles of that we stopped for lunch. we haven't had to use a ton of spanish yet because we're sitting next to each other and have really only been on he bus. last night we learned two things. one you must pay for toilet paper, weird. and the second that Tijuana is "free" but everywhere else in Mexico is not and you need a tourist visa. so last night probably around ten we bought those. currently writing/reading to avoid watching the punisher.
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we finally arrived around 9:30pm. fit all our stuff (patti's, her mom's, and her daughters' stuff as well as our two bags) and 9 people in a 5 person vehicle ( i was sitting on laura's lap). on the ride there (to the house in the car) i realized that we ahd no idea what the sleeping conditions would be or bathroom or anthing. it was dark when we arrived so it was still a mystery until we walked inside the house. Tile flooring, kitchen, dinning room, living room, hallway, separate rooms, a bathroom with real toilet and running water-shower as well. it is a really nice sized home. Laura and i got our own room equipped with a bed. so after eating a quick something to bed we went.

vacation

Laura and I are leaving today for our time-off. We are going down to Torreon with one of the nationals (patti) who works in our office for a couple of days. complete submersion into the culture i'm super excited! so i won't be posting for a while but I'll try to update as soon as i get back and let you guys know how it all went.

summer's offically over.

try again...

Last night one of the girls and i were researching unreached people groups. i was looking through operation world and she was on the internet. she came across this website, open doors, and found the top persecuted countries. They were north korea, saudi arabia, iran, maldives and so on but we stopped at maldives because both of us were unfamiliar with its location. she went up to a world map to look but where do you start to look for a place you've never heard of? so i continued to look randomly in operation world. at that point looking for a latin america country...when i opened up to maldives. ding ding. found it. its part of Asia, little islands off the coast of sri lanka. this is what open doors has to say about maldives(look at maldives' website then read its rather ironic):

"In the archipelago of the Maldives, Islam is the official state religion and all citizens must be Muslims. Sharia law is observed, which prohibits the conversion from Islam to another religion. A convert could lose citizenship. It is prohibited to practice any other religion than Islam, which is considered to be an important tool in stimulating national unity and maintenance of the government’s power. Thus it is impossible to open any churches, though foreigners are allowed to practice their religion in private if they don’t encourage citizens to participate. The Bible and other Christian materials cannot be imported apart from a copy for personal use. In the country -- one of the least evangelized countries on earth -- there are only a handful of indigenous believers, and they live their faith in complete secrecy because of the omnipresent social control by other Maldivians..."

Then i read from what operation world had to say:

religion: islam is the only recognized religion. the open practice of all other religions is forbiden. islam is strongly promoted for national unity and preservation of the government's power. 99.41% muslim.
challenges for prayer: maldivians are still among the least evangelized on earth. no Christian mission work has ever been permitted nor Christian literature allowed. (later under another "prayer point" -->) witness to maldivians in other lands: many travel as sailors, students, seeking medical care, etc.

mmm ok. so i read the "seeking medical care" just after i get done telling her that i'm not really interested in Asian culture (hints why i was looking for a latin american one) and i'm not really interested in muslim...but the maldivians are "among the least evangelized" and they not only need but are seeking medical care. so since she knows i'm wanting to pursue nursing to take to the mission field we joke about how this is perfect. They are an unreached people group and they need what i'm wanting to bring. the more and more we joke about it the more i realize they're on the top 10 persecuted countries and its number...four. we're are always hearing here at caravan that God wants your life your life. not just part of you but all of you. when you accepted Him you are no longer yours. and then that missions isn't a short term thing, its your life and those who go to the 10/40 window it might take their life. us staff hear this all the time and usually i'm nodding my head along with it...but last night it hit me with a nauseating feeling, if i went to maldives i would probably die... slowly it sank in until i had to get up and walk away from the research, too much for me. then i remembered what i read that morning and what i had said about it. Exurp from my journal:

Acts 21 & 22
Paul's faith is unbelievable. 21 when he is being told don't go, don't go he responded with "i'm going and even if it means death all for Jesus Christ" (my paraphrase 21:13-14). That's so crazy and then in 22 he is telling his testimony and telling of what Ananias said in v.15-16 "You will be his witness to all men of what you have seen and hear. And now what are you waiting for?"

and even though 21 comes before 22 the part in 22 is a recollection from before which is perfect. you've seen, you heard what to do, now what are you waiting for? with paul's response of 21:13-14 I will go even to the death for Christ's sake! That is an example I want to follow. --> I've heard, I know, so now what? --> I will go even to death. Its still hard for me to fully grasp "to the death" I think but i want to keep striving so eventually i can say that as bold as paul did.

i wrote/read that that morning and then the research happened in the evening...and the reason i'm so overwhelmed (i guess could be the word i'm looking for) is not because i now know where i'm suppose to go but that even after hearing and hearing and hearing "He wants all of you" and even singing "take my life, here i am all of me" , "take it all" , "I will go Lord send me" , "I would give the world to tell you're story 'Cause I know that you've called me" and then last night when i really thought about it and for a split second i fully grasped...i freaked out.

my life is not mine, it hasn't been for a long time and He gave his for me so undeserving, so why am i grasping so tight to something that isn't mine when giving it to God is completely deserved?

this will not hinder me i will still go to the field, i will.
D.V.

i do truly want to...say that as bold as paul did.

(board that we write countries of the day for prayer)