1633

The burdens of this world. The hurt, brokenness, and the depravity of this world are overwhelming to me right now. I am reading a book about the events that cause kids to be pulled from their homes. Horrific histories. Sad histories. I say histories because they are not fiction they are true. These things could still happen to kids. 

I received a message from a friend about hurts from betrayal and now the struggles of forgiveness and hurts from that. 

Yet still, while this burden is heavy I have joy. 

John 16:33

Head above waters

I guess you could say this is how I've felt recently. I could list all the things that are going on in my life and why I am overwhelmed but really all that needs to be said is that I am. At the end of the summer I was praying desperately through Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Now it is when I feel like I am at my wits end, Jesus reminds me. Yesterday, it was the goodness and beautiful reminder of His return.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this. (Isaiah 9:6-7 ESV)

There will be no end to peace. He will rule with justice and righteousness... forever. Oh what joy is to be found sitting at the the feet of Jesus. to be reminded of His love. To remember He IS coming back again and there will be no end to peace. There will be justice. True justice. Even though there have been many times recently that my head feels barely above waters, He reminds me, "in my presence there is fullness of joy..." Praise God!

Knees bent, eyes lifted, hands open

My heart is heavy and burden today. This is not a new burden and those of you who read my rants may possibly be sick of hearing me talk of it but this burden is more then a weight that an ox pulls but it feels more like an enduring branding on my heart... and I am helpless not knowing what to do, I lift up my eyes to the the Author and Perfecter of faith, Jesus.. Lord I pray for...




Amen.

The heavens belong to you
For by Him all things were created
by the breath of His mouth all their host
The great, mighty, and awesome God
He was and is and is to come
King of glory
The rock, a refuge, and stronghold
Father to the fatherless
A consuming fire
Is love
THE God

A bearer of The Image
Chose death over life
The heavens bow,
     I stand defiantly
Punishment is eternal
Depraved
Worked out my saving
Followed the rule book
Curious to my own death
Perfectly masked the decay

For God so loved the world
The Word became flesh
You did not chose me, I chose you
Apart from me you can do nothing
He became sin who knew no sin,
    that we might become the
       righteousness of God
As the Father has loved me,
    so I have loved you.
Behold, to the Lord your God
belong the heaven and the heaven of heavens,
     the earth with all that is in it.
Yet the Lord set His heart in love on you fathers
     and chose their offspring after them,
As you are this day.
While we were still sinners Christ died for us.
If you confess with your mouth that,
     Jesus is Lord
And believe in your heart that,
     God raise Him from the dead,
     You will be saved.

Wash me
And I shall be whiter than snow.
Saved by grace
Eternal life in exchange for death
Treasures in a jar of clay
Beautiful feet
Living sacrifice

Not by my own doing
I did not chose Him, He chose me.

Displaced and Torn

The sidewalks are full of people scurrying from class to class and freshmen finding their new love (o boy). My shelves are full of textbooks. My planner full of due dates... yet my brain and emotions seem to be displaced. I listened to a native Burmese brother pray for his country; my heart was torn between brokenness and joy. To hear his love for the Father was so encouraging to hear yet my heart broke because there are so many people worshiping false idols who, as he said,  "can't save their sins." I just finished reading a book of one brother's venture to South America and His life among a tribal nation. This again tore my heart in two different directions.  It was such a great joy to join him in his journey in seeing those people sing out to Jesus and "walk His trails" but then I was reminded of how many are out there without any knowledge nor the resources to know...I know school is preparation but that doesn't mean it changes my state here of stomach churning thinking of the fact that  people don't know and have no opportunity... Lord, You know all the hearts that are not singing your praises, You know they need to hear of You. Send out You laborers. Awaken the Church to go. Father, continue to burden my heart for the lost may this burden lead me to my knees continuously. Help me to see my school work as preparation and even more important, as worship. Send out Your laborers, Lord Jesus, send them out.

(literally) a thought from (a) coffee shop

why is it that any time I want get anything done my mind reels at which point all I can focus on is music and all I want to do is write music yet there are too many thoughts to find the ones that would be suitable for paper.

i could never be a monk

I've learned over the past couple of days, I could never be a monk*. For me there is the obvious, I love music. So to be in constant solitude would be difficult. But honestly it isn't because of the music. It is because of people. Monks take pleasure in the little things and it is good to stop and smell the roses but what about smelling people. ha I know that is a weird and probably unpleasant thought for some of you but let me explain. I see beauty in people just as someone may stop and smell the rose and see the beauty in that. It is ever so evident to me when I am with people that God created this world and that sin has stained it. So wouldn't that mean it would be depressing to be around people because of sin? Wouldn't it be better to just be with the roses? Okay, first let me remind you roses have thorns and unless in Eden the thorns were all soft and didn't cut you when you touched them I'm thinkin' they are probably a part of the whole sin thing as well but back to people... I see redemption in people. I see the love of Jesus breaking down the hardest of hearts. I can see the reality that we are image bearers... When I by myself it is so easy to get lost in lies but when I am with people who have already recognized this life is not their own, I am thrusted towards truth. When I am by myself I get lost in me but when I am with other people I am reminded, I am alive for so much more than a measly life of "me"... the places that seem the darkest to people I see God shining the brightest. It's in those places where there is a small group of people who say "this life is not my own" amongst many people who have no idea what to think about life... that is when life makes sense to me. But alone...don't let me go there.

*I've never really studied monks so I may just be hitting all kinds of stereotypes but from what I do know, which may in fact be all wrong, I could never be a monk